I am currently in a completely apathetic state of mind. Screw discussing the hurricanes and the born-again Christians, I have to find a new apartment, pass a hard exam and try not to fall asleep while driving. And I'm sure that most of you feel the same way. So I've compiled a list of things to do when under tremendous stress.
First of all, breathe. In fact, suck in all the possible air that your diaphragm can hold. After that, scream. It's cliche, but effective. Just make sure you're not in the middle of the Memorial Union.
After you're done messing up your vocal chords, check your MySpace account. If you're one of those cool people who don't have one, you're missing out. There's nothing better than logging on to find a new friend request or picture comment.
MySpacers, check which one of your friends has the most friends. Try to beat his or her number; a little competition never hurt anyone.
Then, when you've wasted three hours and lost part of your vision, take a nap. Think about it, instead of nodding off in class, thinking about everything and nothing all at once, you can be a rebel and go to sleep. Dreams during sleep are more fun than daydreams anyway, and a recent study links daydreaming to Alzheimer's. (Crazy, I know.)
Now, wake up! Be a typical American and buy something to make yourself feel better. In the case that you are dead broke, steal something. OK, not really. Instead, gather up some chump change and purchase something minimal. Personally, buying something as small as a sticker can make me feel better. It beats going on a shopping spree and not being able to afford food for the next month.
If you, like me, are one of those obsolete people without an MP3 player, go for a drive and pop in your favorite CD. A little bit of The Shins or Modest Mouse can do wonders for your mood. If you're an older reader, pop in some Billy Joel. Put yourself in a "New York state of mind," but make sure you're sober.
Speaking of sobriety, my fellow Sun Devils, put down the bottle. Sure, getting drunk is fun and a distraction, but it's not going to solve anything. Instead, you're going to be even more broke (unless you're a pretty girl), feel fatter after you get bloated, and have a bigger headache when you're hung over.
Instead, watch Sex and the City. This applies to both male and females. Guys, you'll enjoy listening to gorgeous women reveal things you didn't think happened outside of your dreams. Or if you don't want to listen, put it on mute and marvel at their beauty. Girls, their messed up lives will make you feel better about yours, and make you laugh at the same time.
Then argue with your friends over which character you're most like. And if you get offended when they say you're like Samantha, just think of her age and how it doesn't show at all.
Finally, do whatever it is that works for you best. Write a crappy poem, read a tabloid magazine, download that dirty movie. Who cares! The point is that you need to do what it is that helps you the most. And when you're done helping yourself, I promise I won't get mad if you send me a couple of flowers (boys) or a couple of boys (girls).
Astrid Galvan is a journalism junior. You can thank her for her brilliant ideas at astrid.galvan@asu.edu.
