What's that in the air? I believe I detect the aroma of something baking, something full of yummy, colorful ingredients but covered in a hardened, burnt crust.
Could it be USG election campaigning I smell? Why, it is!
Beginning tomorrow, we undergraduate students begin the process of taking that USG pie out of the oven, cutting it into pieces and devouring the mess that always seems to start out as a good effort.
And to pay homage to the tastiness that is USG election time, I submit this humble verse:
Well friends, we've again reached that magical time.
How could the year have flown by so fast?
An entire USG term filled with dramatics galore,
and an even more, uhh, colorful cast.
Together we've been through the rough days,
the fighting, the craziness, the grief.
But there was some good stuff...okay, no there wasn't.
So here's the list of new candidates in brief.
There's the golden boy with the twinkling smile,
the Army outsider with God on his side,
the senator who seems to be forever complaining,
and the guy with completely no pride.
Now let's move quickly on to the tickets in whole,
where we must begin post haste.
There's hardly even a second to spare.
Crossword puzzle time's going to waste!
Meyer and Simonhoff make up the green-shirted duo
and resemble the Heineken bottle.
They're the cutest pair on the ballot this year,
like Lucy Liu in "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle."
Next up we've got Kenney and his VP Mike Jones,
who makes me want to rap a lyric or two.
But beware of this pair's military strength;
I saw them scare an old woman outside the MU.
Moving on, there's Sales and Zoebisch
who vow to put textbook prices in a noose.
"No mandatory meal plans!" is their vehement cry,
and they've got the whole staff's support at Jamba Juice.
Finally we've made it to Underwood and Smith,
the team with a platform made entirely of jokes.
Topping off the polls as the greatest people alive,
they also live across the street from my folks.
That rounds out the list of the people to watch;
in fact, the ones you've probably already seen.
Whether promising low tuition, advocacy or free back rubs,
it's your job to pick the pair that's most keen.
If it's a contested victory I have only one hope:
That the winners not take it too smugly.
I think we all learned a good lesson last spring,
from an ordeal only describable as "fugly."
When it comes to the season to elect our new leaders,
my heart seems to go all aflutter.
If I need a motto to express my USG love, it's, "I've got the bread you can butter."
If my interest borders on creepy,
yours wouldn't be the first observation.
It's an aspect so entertaining to my daily affairs,
that I'll take it to my burial, or to my cremation.
So to the victor I make a standing offer,
one that with honesty is quite rife.
If you've got time in your schedule for a girl with no shame,
can I buy you a Miller High Life?
Heather Hull is a communication senior who spends far too much time pining for attention from candidates and their entourages. Validate her efforts at heather.hull@asu.edu.
