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Mediocrity drenched in blood is still mediocrity


There are three types of horror movies that come out of Hollywood.

You have your PG-13 supernatural thrillers (e.g., "The Grudge"), campy teen horror flicks (e.g., "Final Destination 3") and the increasingly popular hack-'em-up gore fests.

As the title suggests, "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning" is definitely the latter.

Using the same formula as the first box-office success - while competing with films like "Saw II" and "The Hills Have Eyes" for more blood, torture and mangled body parts - this prequel may not have audiences screaming, but it will make them squirm.

A few audience members even squirmed their way right out of the theater, saying things like, "I can't watch this crap."

The audience member was probably referring more specifically to things like a cow being splattered across the highway, cannibalism, a man's face being torn off and, of course, various people getting cut up with a chainsaw.

Though a bit tough to recall after at least a solid hour of one gross scene after another, there was a brief introduction to this mess that will be more than familiar to viewers of the 2003 "Massacre" remake.

Two brothers (Taylor Handley and Matthew Bomer), along with their hot girlfriends (Diora Baird and Jordana Brewster) get into a car wreck in a desolate Texas town.

The town's perpetually pissed off sheriff (R. Lee Ermey) picks them up and then takes three of them to the unforgiving Hewitt house while the fourth must find a way to save her friends from the deranged family.

The origins of Leatherface (Andrew Bryniarski), the sheriff and the infamous chainsaw are quickly revealed to pave the way for possibly the most hopeless horror film ever made.

Armed with the knowledge that the two antagonists must survive in order to have a future showdown with Jessica Biel and her wet T-shirt, audience members become helpless bystanders to the inevitable demise of these four teenagers.

I suppose the film could have ignored logic and perhaps allowed Leatherface to die and come back from the dead like so many 80s serial killers, but for better or worse this was not the case.

Rather, the filmmakers focused on how gruesomely they could depict each victim's prolonged suffering for the sake of visual impact, while sacrificing genuine scares.

Hardcore sadists and fans of "The Passion of the Christ" may find that sort of thing entertaining, but this massacre will likely be too much for other viewers.

Not even a nude scene with Jordana Brewster would have made this movie tolerable.

Director: Jonathan Liebsman

Cast: Jordana Brewster, Taylor Handley, Matthew Bomer, Diora Baird, R. Lee Ermey

Rating: R for strong horror violence and gore, language and some sexual content

'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning' got one pitchfork out of five

Reach the reporter at Michael.Chichester@asu.edu.


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