Harry Callahan sat perched on his desk with the .44 Magnum and waited until Tommy was too stiff to shake anymore, paralyzed with fear. "Well, tell me, does 'trouble' have only one 'B' or two?"
Tommy's lips began to quiver. He opened his mouth to respond but thought better of it.
"I know what you're thinking," Callahan said. "Did he fire six shots or only five?
"Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky?
"Well, do ya, punk?"
If Wisconsin state Rep. Frank Lasee can pass a bill to allow teachers and school administrators to carry concealed weapons, this may become our bleak future. An ordinary spelling bee turns into a spelling B-92, class re-enactments of the Civil War become a little too authentic and nap time is strictly enforced.
Lasee announced Wednesday his plans for proposed legislation for armed educators, a reaction to the recent school shootings in Wisconsin, Colorado and Pennsylvania.
"To make our schools safe for our students to learn, all options should be on the table," he told The Associated Press. "Israel and Thailand have well-trained teachers carrying weapons and keeping their children safe from harm."
And the best part: "It can work in Wisconsin."
Yes, it could. If Wisconsin was located in a highly militarized region of the globe where gory wars and bloodshed were commonplace, that is.
Thankfully, Wisconsin school officials aren't quite so gung ho (or gun ho) for the idea.
"Statistically, the safest place for a child to be is in school," said Pete Pochowski, the director of school safety for Milwaukee Public Schools, in the same article. "We have problems in our schools, but not to the point where we need to arm our teachers and principals."
He added, "In the country we live in, we have a lot of freedom, and we have to expose ourselves to some danger to keep that."
Finally, a public official who understands that life is not meant to be lived from the safest place in the world - your living room couch. However, I wouldn't mind having to pass through metal detectors and have my bag searched every day when entering my elementary school, my high school or even Murdock Hall at ASU. I'm not a fan of it, but I'll do it if it means there are likely to be fewer guns on campus.
With this legislation, a student who otherwise would have had a difficult time obtaining a gun would now have access to a bountiful arsenal of handguns and ammunition if he were able to detect which teachers were packing heat. Acts of school violence would occur more frequently as guns appear on campus, no matter who carries them and how well-trained they are at gun-handling.
Who will be paying for the guns, the ammunition and the lessons and certification? These days students are asked to each bring in a tissue box to provide for the classroom; will they now each bring in a box of bullets? Will the teachers who choose to arm themselves have to purchase their weaponry themselves, or worse, will the taxpayers be funding both our children's safety and danger?
There are just so many problems with Lasee's proposal. And while my predictions of the future may be just a bit exaggerated, there's no telling the horrors this legislation would provoke. So do society a favor if this actually makes it through the "Schoolhouse Rock" process of how a bill becomes a law, and vote it out as quickly as possible.
Kirsten Keane is not an education major. She's a journalism sophomore. She has an extremely vivid imagination, and all scenes in this piece should be taken as if they were in an actual "Dirty Harry" movie - nothing other than that. Please do not send threatening e-mails to Kirsten.Keane@asu.edu.
