Skeeter, Mozzie, Mosquito - call em' what you will. They're here, they're feared, and it's time to get revenge.
1. Never, ever, under any circumstances leave your house.
Prior to mosquito season stockpile all the necessities: duct tape, gallons of water, batteries and as many nonperishable items as you can handle.
2. If you must leave, dress head to toe in as many layers as possible.
Some style icons to emulate include Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen, that homeless guy on the corner and Michael Jackson. Top your outfit off with a ski mask, goggles and gloves. When people laugh, point to one of their unsightly mosquito bites and say, "Who's laughing now?!"
3. If you have a lawn, get off your lazy ass and mow it.
4. Bathe yourself in a deet-infested bath.
When you get out, spray your body with mosquito repellent. Get it everywhere - your eyes, your mouth, your ears. If you have any cuts, make sure to hit them with an extra dose.
Don't be afraid to leave them burning unattended. They work better that way.
Reach the reporter at Lisa.Przystup@asu.edu.
