By Lisa Przystup
Dear Lisa,
Maybe you can help me with this one. After a night of drinking, I had sex with a friend of mine. We were a little more sober by then but had been intoxicated nonetheless.
We ignored the topic for a good week, until we had been drinking again and I jokingly brought it up. Our conversation turned into a loud, angry discussion about how hurt she felt by me pretending I was really drunk the entire time, and she told me, "I've wanted to be with you since the first day I met you!"
I don't know if that means hooking up or dating. A couple more drunkenly emotional words spewed out of our mouths, and we went to bed. We didn't talk for about four days after that and never brought it up again.
I am thoroughly confused. Why are we avoiding the subject when we're sober and talking about it only when we're drunk?
P.S. Maybe I should add that she has a boyfriend...
Sincerely,
Confused
Dear Confused,
Welcome to the emotionally distressing world of drunken hookups. The problem with the decisions we make when loaded on tequila shots is that they're motivated purely by alcohol content.
The higher the alcohol percentage, the stupider the mistake. The number of drinks you have is exponentially related to the amount of damage control you will be performing the next day.
It sounds to me like this is a dead-end situation. (She has a boyfriend.) So far any romantic or sexual encounters you have had with this girl have been when the two of you are loaded. (She has a boyfriend.) This is a very bad sign and an unhealthy way to begin a relationship. Not to mention that she has a boyfriend. Although it seems that she does have feelings for you, that simply is not enough. (Ahem, boyfriend.)
I'm going to go ahead and guess that she is extremely confused, and this is the reason why the subject comes up only when under the influence. Confused girl plus alcohol plus existing relationship equals you being jerked around more than Paris Hilton's Chihuahua.
My advice to you is to stay far, far away from this situation. Her impassioned declaration that she "wanted to be with you since the first day we met," begs the question: Why haven't you two been together since that wonderful day? (And how many drinks had she had that day?)
She needs some time to come to grips with issues she may be having, and you need to not be a part of that process.
Insert ditzy voice here: It's like, kind of like buying the perfect pair of jeans, y'know? Why buy a pair that, like, needs altering (you'll have to wait around and won't even get to wear them for a while) when you could just do some shopping and find a pair that hugs your ass in that perfect way, making you feel, like, pretty darn good about yourself.
Go shopping. Go sober. Alcohol has a way of making things look better than they really are. But you already know that.
Lisa
Get Lisa's help with your queries and conundrums at lisa.przystup@asu.edu. We guarantee her advice will be witty, sarcastic and maybe even a little bit helpful.
