"Have you ever noticed that Republicans are usually involved in political scandals and Democrats are usually involved in sexual scandals?" a student in my high school history class asked once.
"It's because Democrats are better looking!" another shouted out in reply, followed by peals of laughter around the room.
Well, if that's true, certain Republicans must have invested in Invisalign, Brite Smile and Botox, because they're getting quite a bit of action these days.
We've been inundated on CNN and MSNBC with news of the latest scandals, many of them nowadays of the carnal variety, but plenty of tax fraud and bribery charges as well. And now the possibility of losing 10 to 15 seats in Congress to Democrats, according to a Washington Post article Sunday, has stirred up a lot of commotion within the Republican Party.
The public and the media raise their eyebrows in horror, disgust and surprise when our leaders, representatives and idols commit acts worthy of "Nip/Tuck" - and we're in a sorry state of affairs (pun intended) if these are the men representing the American population.
But why is everyone so astonished by these exploits of infidelity and immorality? Even when watching this election's campaign ads, you can see just how unethical and dirty all sides of the issues are.
There are hundreds of smear campaigns advertising the negatives of the opposition, yet no one can come up with the benefits of voting for themselves - hence voting becomes choosing the lesser of two evils rather than the best man (or woman) for the job.
"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all," said Thumper in "Bambi". I guess it's true that everything you need to know in life you learn in kindergarten. Some people probably should have been held back, though.
Rep. Tom Delay's campaign-finance scandal in late 2005 jump-started a period of political turmoil and controversy when many Americans were already disheartened by the lack of response to Hurricane Katrina.
Rep. Mark Foley's chat-room escapades and misuse of the term "page boy" (it doesn't have the same connotation as "pool boy") at least prepared the public for more controversy and abuse of title and status.
Friday's "outing" of the Rev. Ted Haggard, an evangelical adviser to President Bush, who allegedly had sex numerous times with a male prostitute, happened with perfect timing with regard to the 2006 election.
Many seem to be realizing that the morals and ethics staunch right-wing advocates like Haggard himself have been promoting are outdated - and even quite contradictory in some cases.
As the president - scratch that, former president - of the National Evangelical Association, Haggard "held sway in Washington and condemned homosexuality," according to The Associated Press.
I couldn't be more proud of our leadership in Washington and whom they turn to for advice and support. Note the sarcasm.
Liberals have suffered plenty of political and sexual escapades, not to mention the recent ill-advised and offensive joke. These scandals have cost them control of Congress in the past, and even the presidency, with former President Bill Clinton being a frequent centerfold for "Democratic Bloopers Monthly."
Somehow, liberal scandals don't come across as quite so surprising. The difference may lay in the fact that they don't preach to their supporters how to live and whom to love. The Democrats don't come across as hypocrites.
Can't you just picture Bush's reaction to the Haggard scandal? "It's a terrible thing that happened with Haggard, but his advice was always stellar, just stellar."
He must be looking on with pride as he sees what his party has come to in the last few weeks up to the elections.
Kirsten Keane is a journalism sophomore who wants to clarify that she has met many naturally handsome Republicans. She also wants all of you to get out and vote today. Contact her at: kirsten.keane@asu.edu.
