Maybe it's the upcoming holidays the chilly 70-degree temperatures, but it seems like everyone is pairing off pretty fast these days (Britney and K-Fed excluded). Some may operate under the grand illusion that being with someone is easier than being alone, but the reality is that the wide world of relationships is just as exhausting and challenging as being single. The following is random advice couched in a hypothetical situation that may or may not arise in the course of any of the many relationships you ladies may go through.
As women, we have this innate ability to bring up intense discussions at the worst possible times. I've done it, I know my girlfriends have - and the thing is, these are women who are calm, cool and collected. But when something has been eating away at our minds, we must purge. And the most inopportune time to do so is at the end of the day. We've had the whole day to think about whatever's pissing us off, and all of our passive-aggressive anger hints have gone unnoticed.
This also happens to coincide with the very moment your boyfriend is at his most defenseless - he's operating under the illusion that he is about to close his eyes, go to sleep and possibly snuggle with you. Then, "Wham!"
"Um, Brad, I was wondering why you told me earlier today that I should work out. Do you think I need to? Because you know I have issues with that, and tonight I was noticing that you were really enjoying that Victoria's Secret commercial, and that made me feel even worse. I started thinking about how women are subjected to such high levels of scrutiny and we always feel like we have to be perfect or look good or be skinny, and (starting to cry a little now) I've always felt that my whole life and I know a lot of women that feel the same. I just can't believe my own boyfriend would participate in such a misogynistic society."
This is also probably when he answers with the worst possible response. Something like, "You know what's attractive baby? Self-confidence. I mean, you should just get over it, you know?" and then rolls over to finish watching a rerun of NBC's "Late Night with Conan O'Brien."
What is about to ensue here is a late-night argument about women and men, followed by a long list of reasons why the boyfriend in this case is insensitive and how the girlfriend can't believe she's with such an unfeeling, unsympathetic oaf. Conan will be way over by the time this argument goes anywhere.
If you must have one of these discussions, get out of bed. Do not, I repeat, do not bring this into your relax zone. That's a bad, bad idea.
I have a friend who refuses to have arguments in bed. Go for a walk, get some air and talk it out. Also, ladies, if at all possible try and avoid the midnight arguments. Sleep on it. If it's still bothering you the next day, wait until a major holiday (say Thanksgiving) to let it really fester and then let him have it.
Wait. No. What I meant to say was, if it's still bothering you the next day, bring it up over a mid-day coffee. And do not, under any circumstances, bring it up over drinks.
Good luck,
Lisa
E-mail Lisa with your questions at: lisa.przystup@asu.edu.
Think you could do a better job at doling out advice? Here's your chance. SPM needs a new advice columnist for next semester. E-mail us at: spmag@asu.edu if you're interested.
