Hi Lisa,
Teach for America has been trying to recruit me to serve in its program. As a secondary education major, this is something I am very excited about.
But when I tried to share my excitement with my fiance, he basically did everything he could to discourage me from joining the program. He said he didn't want me to get involved in something that might stress me out or pose safety risks (since the program sometimes puts teachers in inner city schools). But I feel I have what it takes to succeed in the program, and I love a good challenge.
Should I take his ideas into consideration, or just say "screw it" and do my own thing?
Sincerely,
A Teacher in Turmoil
Dear Teacher in Turmoil,
Being in a relationship is about compromise and support. You must truly love a challenge, because it sounds like you're with a guy that isn't ready to provide either. That being said, the dynamics of each relationship are different.
But there obviously is a larger issue at hand here. As your fiance, he should be supportive and excited for this opportunity. Take a look at the dynamics of your relationship. How long have you two been together? Is this one of the first big decisions you've both had to make together?
You also have to ask yourself if he is legitimately concerned or if there are other motivations at work. Maybe he has a conflicting agenda; you want to Teach for America, but he has a job or graduate program lined up.
If he's got nothing on the burner, then nothing should be stopping him from supporting a great career decision for you that will pay off for the both of you in the future.
You obviously don't want to jeopardize your relationship, and you both must care a great deal for each other. So you need to make it clear to him how important this is to you.
It may be beneficial for you both to attend an information program about Teach for America or talk to someone who has worked for the organization before. This may help alleviate his concerns.
As far as stress goes, life will always be stressful. Life post-college is a confusing and emotionally turbulent time. You will be stressed out no matter where you end up teaching, be it at an inner-city school or a private one.
Here's the thing: had he been initially encouraging or mildly stoked for you and then developed these concerns, I'd give it to him. But the reality is that he, as you've stated, "did everything he could to discourage me from joining the program" from the very beginning.
That is not a good sign. Someone who loves you is entitled to be concerned for your well being, but they also should be equally concerned about your happiness. In the end, you're going to have to ask yourself if you will be happy with yourself (and him) if you turn down the offer.
I have a feeling that the answer is "no." I say, as long as it doesn't severely compromise your relationship (and if it does, you two are going to have to have a talk), you should go for it. You'll be forever kicking yourself if you don't.
Good Luck,
Lisa
Sometimes you need a second opinion. That's where Lisa comes in. E-mail her at lisa.przystup@asu.edu with your advice queries.
