I picked my Juliet up for our first Valentine's Day together.
"You look beautiful," I said, when first I saw her.
"Thank you," she said, as we got ready to leave.
Everything was set up perfectly - like Shakespeare.
Until we got to the restaurant and circumstances changed.
There was a problem with the reservation.
Oops, I forgot to make one.
I was dumbfounded and petrified, so I ran, taking my Juliet by the arm along with me.
We scrambled out the backdoor, triggering the alarm.
Still true to each other, for my Juliet is naive, we left afoot in search of a new eatery.
But the only place that wasn't full for dinner was the nearby McDonald's. I ordered my girlfriend, a vegetarian, a Happy Meal with fries and a chocolate shake.
But when I spilled the shake all over her yellow dress, she was not happy with the meal.
I tried to clean up the mess, but in doing so, accidentally brushed against her chest.
"What do you think you're doing?" she screamed, gaining the attention of the other customers.
Mistaking the scene as sexual assault, a nearby giant man punched me in the nose, breaking it in two places.
It hurt, but my Juliet came to my aide, holding my head, as we escaped though the exit.
"I'm so sorry," she said.
"No, it's my fault," I said. "I'm sorry."
Our love was sickening, an addiction, like crack.
Still, we had not given up on the night. We knew there was more romance to be found.
I asked her if she wanted to hike "A" Mountain to see the sunset over Tempe.
She was not thrilled with the idea, already displeased with the failure of the night. Still, she woefully agreed because of our deep love.
Midway into the hike, Juliet's foot apparel choice - black stiletto heels - became fatal. She slipped on the terrain, falling to the ground, where she landed among the sharp pricks of a cactus.
My Juliet refused to move, so I started dragging her up the mountain with the spikes in her back.
The sun was setting fast, and we needed to hurry if we wanted to see it fade into the horizon.
Yet, hard as we tried, and fast as we sped, the sky went black just as we reached the top of the peak.
Unnerved, my Juliet and I still wanted to share more of the night together, despite our previous struggles. In fact, we had to, because now we were stranded at the top of "A" mountain without a flashlight in the dark.
We started the climb down in the dark, when we found a rock where I engraved our names with a love message over some ugly and probably useless petroglyphs.
But immediately after the carving, a storm hit. The floods from the water washed my Juliet and me down the mountain, sending us crashing to its base.
Even worse, we had separated in the chaos.
Afraid to be alone on cupid's day, and in desperate search for my Juliet, I crawled out from under a rock, despite having lost use in my right leg.
"Juliet," I screamed. "Juliet."
I couldn't lose her, not now, not after such a great date.
Then I heard her, a faint sound, underneath a pile of rubble.
"Romeo," she cried out.
"Happy Valentine's Day," I said.
My Juliet gave me a kiss for the first time, as I pulled her out from under the rocks.
I guess some guys have all the luck.
Reach the reporter: tyler.w.thompson@asu.edu.
