Run, just run. The Girl Scouts have returned.
Look away from the cute green sash. It will blind you, take your money and leave you with way too many boxes of cookies.
Thin Mints, Do-Si-Dos, Tagalongs. Where does it end?
I know it's hard, but you have to stay away from them, for your own sake.
Don't listen to the little entrepreneurs' propaganda. If you do, the sweet sound of cookies will sell your soul, leaving you broke, scarfing down All Abouts and Samoas for lunch.
Not that that's all that bad. Cookies for lunch taste pretty damn good.
But it's not fulfilling.
Wake up. Smell the vegetables. You have to stop with this addiction.
I saw you the first day the cookies hit campus. You could have built a pyramid with all of the boxes you bought. One of those Egyptian ones, and probably the Sphinx too.
What you didn't know was that the cookie monsters would be back the very next day, with their toothless 8-year-old smiles.
Oh, and you'd recognize that you already had plenty of cookies. You just bought 10 boxes yesterday.
Still, the green sash hooks you in again.
"Girl Scout Cookies for sale," the voice of an angel chimes as you walk by the booth.
"No, I can't buy anymore; this is crazy," you say to yourself.
A battle ensues. A fight between your natural instincts to gobble up the delicious cookies and help a good cause, pitted against your will to survive on a healthy diet.
The cookies win. Every time, damn it.
The shortbread and fudge of the All Abouts values message cookies. The caramelized crisp of the Cafe Cookies. The crunchy whirl of creamy peanut butter filling in the Do-Si-Dos.
It all tastes so good.
So this time you buy just one box. What's the harm?
Now you're sucked in, an addict to the cause.
Every day you think that you'll break the chain, stop buying a box for health's sake.
But you can't. It's too hard. There's nothing better than that fix, that euphoric rush that thrills your senses when you buy a box of cookies.
Sure, you pawn most of your boxes on unsuspecting classmates, cutting them a good deal on second-hand boxes.
But then you're no better than them. Now you're slinging in the black market, defaming the Girls Scouts' honor code.
Shame on you. You thief. When you buy a box of cookies, make it your own. Personally taste every speck of sugar.
The key is not to overindulge. Pace yourself.
Because the cookies are everywhere.
Not just on campus, the Girl Scouts raid the art walks, the festivals and the shopping malls. They take control of the dog parks, school events and neighborhood streets.
For almost one month, the Girl Scout Mafia runs the cookie business.
Nobody knows what happens to the elves, but that's the way the Girls Scouts want to keep it.
Don't be scared. Know that you don't have to give in to the cookie compulsion.
And if all else fails, the freezer keeps the cookies good for at least a few more months.
Reach the reporter at: tyler.w.thompson@asu.edu.
