Q: Dear Amy,
My mom and I are in the middle of a disagreement. She says that parents shouldn't apologize to their kids because then the kids will think less of them. I say that if parents mess up, they should admit it. This has been an ongoing disagreement. What do you think?
A: As a tutor, I've had the opportunity to meet many parents and have seen how they interact with their children. I can tell you, both from personal experience and from what I've observed, that parents who 'fess up when they make mistakes have far better relationships with their kids than parents who refuse to apologize.
That doesn't mean that parents should allow their offspring to dictate what they do or what they say. It does mean that parents need to recognize when they have said or done something inappropriate and have the guts to acknowledge it. After all, most people hate admitting they were wrong. It takes a lot of integrity and a great deal of courage to step up and take responsibility.
Additionally, this serves as a great example for kids. Among my students, I've personally seen how parents can influence their children. When parents hesitate or outright refuse to admit mistakes, their children find it easy to do the same
However, when parents have the strength to confess that they're not perfect, their kids see that and realize that it's OK to admit when they're mistaken. It's easier to help children who will admit when they don't know the answers to all the questions.
I've also noticed that when parents fail to divulge their mistakes, they damage their credibility. Children or teens gradually become aware that their parents aren't willing to apologize and often don't know when or if to believe them.
In the long run, it's far better for both parents and their children if they learn to accept their shortcomings and apologize for their mistakes.
