Yes, there was a red carpet. Yes, there were stars. And yes, there were cameras.
But so does a Hollywood-themed high-school dance.
Fanboys and geekazoids would tell you that this Monday night’s premiere of “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” at Tempe Marketplace was the greatest event to ever happen to our sleepy desert metropolis.
They would be wrong.
As much as we, too, are glad to see some zest added to Valley life, we cannot agree with the Hugh Jackman lovers and mutant devotees out there. We can point to many other events — from yearly festivals (like the New Years Block Party and Tempe Music Festival) to every-once-in-a-while mega events (Super Bowl XLII) — to show that this premiere was truly not, as the aforementioned nerds, local television stations, local celebrity aficionados and hundreds of avid moviegoers have made it out to be, the biggest affair to hit the Grand Canyon State since a meteor created Meteor Crater some 50,000 years ago.
Yes, it was a big deal and it was an honor for our city to host the premiere of a major motion picture. However, it could have been so much better.
It could have easily been the Valley’s best-ever event.
Here are our ideas of things that would have made the premiere better:
• The real Wolverine’s showing up. OK, so Jackman gets all the single ladies to put their hands up, but he’s missing the mean streak needed to be a true wild card — and every event needs a wild card. The real Wolverine has that covered and then some.
• Actually, how about Wolverine’s entire fictional superhero team coming along? An appearance from Wolverine is nice, but saving the day is a team sport, not an individual sport. Next time, 20th Century Fox and Marvel Comics better not stiff us — we need Cyclops, Mirage, Storm and friends to grace us with their presence.
• Jackman’s breaking into song and dance. He did it well at the Oscars, and there’s no reason why he couldn’t do it well at Tempe Marketplace.
• The Jonas Brothers and/or Zac Efron showing up. We don’t know why, but people seem to love them.
• Better integration of Tempe Marketplace’s bizarre parking lot lasers into the red carpet event. Would it have been too much to ask for something to go horribly wrong with the lasers and force Wolverine to kick into the action and save the day? Apparently, yes, yes it was.
• The red carpet’s doubling as an obstacle course. Fabric is classy and all, but it isn’t fun. Hot coals and fire-breathing alligators, on the other hand, are.
• Getting cooler movie to debut here. No offense to “Wolverine,” but during a summer in which “Star Trek,” “Transformers” and “Harry Potter” are all scheduled to work the world’s nerds into a tizzy, Logan just doesn’t match up. However, on the bright side, Tempe is hosting “Wolverine” rather than “Night at the Museum II: Escape from the Smithsonian.” (If you’re looking for the punch line, the people who named that movie took care of it for us.)
• ASU’s giving Jackman an honorary degree.
