One year ago today, the country held its breath as Americans cast their ballots and waited to see who would become the next president of the United States.
Today in Arizona we cast our ballots for … nothing much.
After months and months of hype over the 2008 elections, and with no more Obama-McCain rivalry to focus on, we’ve been feeling the letdown this year. (Think: Space Jam’s “Basketball Jones” scene, but with politics.)
So, since it’s Election Day (kind of) and we have nothing (except school bonds) to vote on, to get our competition fix we’ve come up with some long overdue face offs we’d like to see …
Sarah Palin versus Condoleezza Rice. Condi’s got the nimbleness of a pianist, but Sarah’s got the ferocity of a hockey mom. Add in potential bids for president, and you’ve got the makings of an epic battle. A fight between two strong conservative women is hard to handicap, but if Palin is allowed to hunt from her helicopter, the scales really tip in her favor.
Hillary Clinton versus Bill Clinton. Actually, we have a feeling that this matchup has already happened behind closed doors, and Hillary won.
Harry Potter and friends versus Edward from Twilight plus his crew of vampires and werewolves. With the “New Moon” addition to “The Twilight Saga” releasing to theaters later this month, it seems the perfect time for this mythical matchup. True, vampires have very pointy teeth, but with a Shield Charm, wizards could nullify that threat with the wave of a wand. Twilight has a young following, but we grew up with Harry, Hermione and Ron. Plus, we just don’t want to support vampires on principle. Come on — they vant to suck your bloooooood.
Time versus money. Thanks to ye olde economic recession, the time it takes for money to rebound has pushed this rivalry to the forefront. But hold up, as the saying goes, time is money. So is time fighting itself?
Is money just an abstract of time? How does that factor into an economic rebound? This fracas is too intense for us.
Balloon Boy versus Bubble Boy. Falcon Heene opened a whole new stratum of being isolated when he took to the skies (well, figuratively speaking). But in the film “Bubble Boy,” Jake Gyllenhaal showed us a real coming-of-age triumph. Who deserves more fame? We’re not sure, but needless to say, it would be pretty entertaining to watch the BB and BB duke it out.
The fastest man on earth versus the fastest animal on earth. Usain Bolt adopted a baby cheetah Monday, probably to have some competition in his races. Following this train of thought, Michael Phelps should probably adopt a dolphin to swim with — provided the dolphin is equally high when they compete.
Can these fake matchups fill the election void? They may not have the same excitement generated by initial exit polling or fancy “I voted today” stickers, but when it comes to a Hillary-and-Bill cage match or a bitter rivalry between Hogwarts and Forks High School, everybody wins.
