A lot of bad news has been circulating around ASU recently. The State Press front page hasn’t made it easy to avoid the doom and gloom of more budget cuts, increased tuition and fees and faculty salary cuts, either.
But there are more than gray clouds ahead for ASU. Here are 15 reasons to look forward to the next academic year. Some of these are legitimate predictions, while others are just things I want to see happen. Regardless, there’s reason to look forward to the next school year.
• The 2010 elections will be exciting, and gives ASU students a change to hold the state legislature accountable for not playing nice with the education budget.
• Due to a weak schedule and breakout year for Vontaze Burfict and others, ASU’s football team will finish above .500.
• No more Pete Carroll. Starting next year, ASU will have a chance to beat USC — within the next five-to-10 years.
• We won’t have nearly as much rain as we did this past winter. Say what you will about us being in a drought, but Phoenix was not built to handle more than the occasional light drizzle. And Phoenicians certainly weren’t built to drive in the rain.
• Sparky the Sun Devil will finally get appropriate footwear. Goodbye, Reebok sneakers, hello devil hooves. (Seriously though, why does our mascot wear gym shoes?)
• Justin Bieber will officially hit puberty and no longer exist as a trending topic on Twitter. Meanwhile, Conan O’Brien will be back. Somewhere, somehow.
• Reinvigorated after passing sweeping health care reform, President Barack Obama will tackle a number of other “BFDs.” Joe Biden will have to invest in soap bars to clean his mouth.
• We’ll all be enjoying a nice and luxurious weeklong fall break come November. And free evening parking. Oh, wait. I forgot those were pipe dreams.
• Kanye West will outdo his “Im’ma let you finish” outburst at the Video Music Awards by not letting Taylor Swift, or anyone else, finish. He’ll later apologize publicly by interrupting himself.
• The earth will settle down a bit with all the earthquakes. Arizonans, meanwhile, will be better prepared the next time a spoon on their table rattles.
• March Madness 2011 will feature the Sun Devils’ beloved men’s basketball team once again — and UA will fail to go dancing for a second year in a row.
• The iPad. ’Nuff said.
• Michael Crow will prove yet again his clout with high-profile celebrities, attracting Stephen Colbert as the 2011 commencement speaker. Colbert will spend the entirety of his speech discussing how it’s better than Obama’s because it possesses more truthiness.
• As bad as we’re getting hit with tuition hikes, incoming freshmen are getting hit even worse. Be thankful you’re not a bottom feeder.
Dustin is so glad he’s not an incoming freshman. Share the upperclassmen glory at dustin.volz@asu.edu