Some lucky Sun Devils may be graduating next month, but I and a few other thousand are hitting that majestic halfway point at the end of the semester. Breaking out of our suffocating sophomore slump, I’d like to think we’ve done a lot and learned enough in the past two years to warrant recognition. We don’t need a commencement, but some acknowledgement or pats on the back for making it this far would be nice.
At least I feel like I’ve learned a lot. Remember that saying, “All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten”? Well, I feel like the rest of life’s lessons I learned during my first two years at college. The wisdom of a fool is still wisdom, after all.
I learned that random roommate assignments usually don’t work out for anyone involved. People have weird habits you only see when you live with someone, and forcing two strangers to live in a small dorm room for a year is a recipe for disaster.
I’ve learned that 90 percent of disposable income can easily be spent on food at restaurants, unless closely monitored. The other ten percent is spent on movie tickets.
I’ve learned that nothing I did in high school really matters to anyone now and isn’t very relevant to what I’m doing now. The same is likely true for college once in the real world.
Coming far from my northeastern home, I quickly learned that desert climates are serious business. Heat exhaustion sounds cooler than it is to experience, and “Hell State University” isn’t an attack on our academics or university life. It’s just damn hot here.
I’ve learned to never assume a girl is single (or sane, for that matter). It’s extremely hard to tell, and most of the time women are just being nice — not flirtatious. I’ve learned that effective time management is a skill often attempted, rarely mastered.
I’ve learned that Arizona has a pretty interesting group of lawmakers over at the state Capitol. By interesting, I mean insane.
As a college student, I finally learned what the three different cup sizes are at Starbucks. I also tried coffee again in an attempt to appear cosmopolitan, but learned there is no such thing as good-tasting coffee.
I’ve learned how to use Twitter. It’s no small accomplishment. I also learned how to use Macs. Someday soon, I’ll learn how to use Skype, and it’ll be a feat worthy of recognition, too.
I’ve learned that energy drinks are both a college student’s saving grace and poisonous potions that throw off sleep schedules for a week or more. The term “buyer beware” seems appropriate.
I’ve learned that my parents were always right about the importance of a balanced diet, exercise and sleep.
I’ve learned that washing laundry is extremely difficult and tedious. Figuring out what fabrics and colors go with what setting and temperature is like trying to solve a calculus problem.
After two years, I’ve learned that I’m not sure what I want to do with my life. I imagine a lot of my fellow sophomores, and even many graduating seniors, are in the same boat. Thankfully for us sophomores we have two more years.
For the seniors? Well, there’s always graduate school.
Dustin wants to know what you’ve learned in college. Let me know at dustin.volz@asu.edu
