Over the summer I met a guy. We hung out one day but soon started talking about his girlfriend, which wasn’t a big deal until he sent a text that said he was attracted to me. I was excited, of course, but I said that as long as he was with his girlfriend nothing would happen. After two days, he finally gave up.
We still went out that weekend with some friends, and he hooked up with a friend of mine. When I told her about his girlfriend, she felt terrible about what had happened but rationalized it by saying, “Oh well, I don’t know her, so it’s not a big deal.” Later that summer she ended up hooking up with him again.
I’m not sure if this upset me because I have been cheated on or because she clearly didn’t realize or care about what this poor girl was about to go through. Regardless, it made me think about how we girls can’t even trust each other. We can’t justify bad behavior by saying that we are removed from responsibility because we don’t know someone and won’t have to witness the outcome of the messy relationship.
So why don't we look out for each other? We have all helped a friend when she was cheated on. We have watched her cry and talked trash about the jerk who hurt her. We have probably even checked the other girl out on Facebook and pledged that we would always hate her, but then flip our views the minute we get the opportunity to be that other person.
I met the girl that my ex cheated on me with, and all she said to me was, “Maybe you should keep better tabs on your boyfriend’s whereabouts.” Her lack of sympathy made me realize that maybe the “other woman” is insecure about her own personal relationships.
People like the idea of chasing after someone they can’t have. They find it more challenging.
Girls love to go after boys in relationships. It’s a more appealing prospect. It makes us try harder because we know they are unavailable. It gives girls a lot of confidence if a guy throws away his relationship to be with her for that night. Guys, on the other hand, are a little less aware or careful of a girl’s relationship status. This is why we need to look out for one another.
It’s not your place to watch out for another person’s boyfriend or girlfriend, but maybe it should be. If everyone made a conscious effort to stop screwing each other over, then there would be less jealousy and turbulence within a relationship. Not to mention, there would be fewer catfights. Next time you are given the opportunity to hook up with someone in a relationship, be the stronger person and decline. It might actually make you feel better knowing you did the right thing.
Have you ever been on the dark side of a hook-up? E-mail Lindsey at lskupfer@gmail.com
