Boo to Halloween. Unless you’re dressing up as Phantom of the Opera... in that case, bravo. But for all you zombies, Lady Gaga monsters and ketchup-faced vampires out there, we look forward to watching you make Mill Avenue even creepier than it already is. And while we’re at it, we’d like to pose a brief intervention for those over-priced, overly revealing costumes. We do expect to see some interesting Police Beat material when we piece together our paper next week. Just don’t make your Quail Man headband too tight; beer makes the brain swell. Oh, and Hallow’s Eve is on Sunday this year. Aside from the irony, this means those orange-tongued Jello shooters are going to be all groggy-eyed come Monday, if they even wake up.
Bravo to making ideas to colonize Mars. ASU professor Paul Davies and Washington State University professor Dirk Schulze-Makuch have come up with plans to get humans on the red planet, but it means they won’t come back. Although being one of the first to explore the final frontier is asking for a potential 10-year life expectancy, there’s no doubt the trip would be one for the history books. Davies and Schulze-Makuch say the trip would be too expensive if we had to bring the explorers back, but we’d bet there are enough crazy people here on Earth willing to take on the challenge.
Boo to the NBA for banning upside-down headbands. Yes, the league can be that petty. When players began wearing headbands during the last decade, the NBA saw it as an opportunity to slap another logo on the same players they advertise. Well, some of them started rebelling by wearing the headbands, and the logos attached to them, upside-down. That didn’t sit too well with league officials, and now upside-down headbands are banned. It’s either their way, or sweat in your eyes way. Several other problems the NBA intends to tackle include male pattern baldness and players’ high school SAT scores.
Bravo to Scott Tissue’s toilet paper going tubeless. It sounds like a freak show and it may only be a big deal to kindergarten teachers, Girl Scout leaders and crafty people all over Rhode Island, where it’s being tested before widespread dispensing. This move may help reduce the estimated 17 billion toilet paper tubes that are produced in the U.S. every year, which results in about 160 million pounds of trash, according to Eye Witness News. That’s about 26 million chubby Chihuahuas or 457,000,000 pizzas. Every bit counts.
Boo to Illinois ballot programmers, whose typo on the gubernatorial ballot was, honestly, too amusing to pass up. The Green Party’s Rich Whitney appeared on ballots in Chicago precincts as “Rich Whitey.” Zing. Unfortunately, this had to be fixed on 4,200 voting machines in 1,400 precincts, according to the Wall Street Journal, and is expected to cost tens of thousands of dollars. Yikes. Well, thanks to rich whiteys everywhere for fixing that one.
