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Lumpia or soul food? Basketball or academics? Hip-hop or violin music? For the greater part of my life, I have been torn between these cultural stereotypes. I am black and Asian.

Embracing both of my races is something I like to do, but doesn’t seem socially acceptable. Where does that put me? In the “Other” category?

I have ethnic features and traits, which contradict my two racial communities, thus making me an immediate outcast within them. I’m too skinny and my hair’s too long to be your “average” black girl, and my lips are too full and complexion too dark to be what most consider Asian. I am an “Other” because I can’t relate to the stereotypes our society has grown to know and grasp so tightly to.

I am an “Other” because multiple-choice-testing sheets and other surveys try to label me so. What some may call shading in a bubble to indicate your race an unthought-of task, doing so has become quite the challenge for me.

“Others” posses beautiful features, yet are often discriminated against because of them. Being biracial in today’s society is a struggle in defining who we are and where our place is. One thing is for sure: I am more than my races. I am more than a black girl with “good” hair. I am more than an Asian girl with dark skin. A measly little bubble will never determine my ultimate allegiance to one race or another.

Choose one? Why should I be forced to play “eenie-meenie” to opt between my races?

I have to either alienate one of my cultures and “pick one” or be an “Other.”

During my childhood, I never had to worry about my black self or Asian self. Sure, I loved hip-hop like my dad and Filipino food has always been my favorite, but my two races weren’t an issue until I was surrounded by peers. Throughout elementary and into high school, I got the same question: “What are you?”

I had been constantly torpedoed with the fact that I am different: not fully belonging to the black community nor the Asian community. Because I always felt pushed to defend “what” I am, fitting in with different people has been an issue.

They always said, “You’re not (­insert race here) enough because you talk like this/act like that/like this but not that.” Too much emphasis on my races by others began to create a strong divide within me.

There have always been moments where I’ve felt uneasy about my racial makeup, but there’s more than meets the eye. Underneath my appearance lies a person with eclectic cultural traits.

Why does it matter “what” I am? What about who I am? I’m a daughter, a sister, a friend, aspiring journalist, Kanye-enthusiast, book-reader and so much more. One thing I refuse to be is an “Other.”

Reach Ashley at alhaines@asu.edu


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