There comes a time in every student’s lives when they must lay down their pride and hit the books. As the semester wears on and final exams march ever closer, students must tend the everlasting flame of knowledge with kindling made from our future hopes of success.
Gone are those nights we should have spent studying instead of watching that episode of “Arrested Development” for the fourth time.
Instead, we turn to those old, fast friends: study guides, energy drinks and the library.
While Hayden Library is constantly busy, towards the end of October it becomes deluged with students desperately cramming knowledge into their brains, and it stays that way for the next two months.
So for those next two months, if you, like so many of your peers, find yourself going stir-crazy in the library and want to be entertained, I have some ideas.
Annoying people in the library is an art.
The location is absolutely ideal for people watching and the denizens of the library are experts in the field of distraction.
The first way to annoy students around you?
Listen to music on your laptop with no earphones. Make sure it’s an obnoxious song, preferably dubstep or maybe some opera. While there is nothing wrong with dubstep, I don’t find it particularly conducive to the studying environment.
If you’re feeling chicken and don’t want dirty looks during your overnight stay in the bowels of Hayden, use headphones but turn the music up loud enough so everyone can still hear that you’re listening to your Terrible Canadian Artists playlist.
Not quite as effective but still unpleasant: Eat strongly scented foods. While you stuff your face of grotesque proportions of food, remember to smack your lips so everyone around you can hear you eat.
If you’re studying with someone, perhaps speak to him or her as your mouth is full of the strongly scented food. You can shield your mouth from view if you like, but it’s not necessary.
Speaking of speaking, when you have to talk to somebody, pay no attention to signs begging you to keep your voice to a whisper.
No matter what it is you have to discuss — your term paper, your politics, your love life — make sure anyone in a 20-foot radius can hear every word.
If someone gives you a dirty look, say “sorry” as loudly as you can while still technically whispering. Then go back to your previously high decibel level as you continue to recount the finer points of the latest episode of “The Good Wife” or your recent breakup.
If you really want to try your neighbor’s patience, remove your shoes — make sure you’re wearing socks that really should have been washed a few days ago — and prop your feet up so they are displayed prominently to the world.
If you’re using your laptop and the battery life just isn’t what it used to be, use the outlet farthest from you (while still within reach of your power cord). If possible, arrange it so passersby must hop over the cord or else trip, sending their books, coffee and laptop flying across the library floor.
Please, don’t actually do any of this.
During this finals season, be courteous and remember: Everyone else is just as stressed out as you are. A little consideration might begin to relieve some tensions.
Reach the columnist at skthoma4@asu.edu or follow her at @SavannahKThomas
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