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Two young men come to your door. They ask you where you're going to spend the afterlife. Why not just tell them the truth? You're right, Tilda, we should always be honest because honesty brings us closer to others, and, truly, to our own humanity.
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So maybe you're out there begging for your life — maybe you're on a train that encircles the world in a cyber punk dystopia. I'm, of course, referring to "Snowpiercer," a so-so movie. It's OK, Tilda, we still love you because you made this movie work in the face of a lot of whack Darwinian theory written in the script.
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Have you ever had a son that you needed to talk about? If there's anything we can learn from this GIF, it's the need for families to understand and come together, no matter the challenges. Even if your son is a sociopath. Even if you spawned him with none other than John C. Reilly.
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When someone walks in when you're taking a selfie, just look at them like you're from Venus. That will probably get them to leave you alone. Also, if you're going out this weekend, take some inspiration from Tilda and be unwaveringly confident about your look and yourself.
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Bae isn't feeling it. If there's anything we can learn from this list of GIFs, it's the decline of old media and the fact that you should, more often than not, "talk it out before you walk it out."
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Isn't it great when your boy is right there with you and is ready to wear a matching sweater? Plot twist: your one and only is also David Bowie. Real talk though, have you seen his music video? It was released like 11 months ago, and I'm surprised I've never seen the compilation called "The Stars (Are Out Tonight)." Here's the link if you're feeling weird.
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Do you ever just need to jam? Sometimes, you're just really getting into it out there on the dance floor. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't. Don't let anyone tell you how to be. Tilda doesn't! You've got to choose your battles in this life, and giving in to a spoil sport just isn't a battle you should fight.
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It looks like you've just got a quiet present from a loved one. You are just beginning to imagine how your life will change for the better. Suddenly, you realize something: You are Tilda Swinton and you should enjoy the little things. Stop and smell the roses every once in a while.
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OK, so this week hasn't been great. What? It's Wednesday? Jeez. Well, sometimes you're just really feeling your look and you've got to commit to how you feel. It's definitely better to express exactly how you feel and where you are (especially with this Mercury in retrograde business) rather than hold it in.
Tell the reporter about your favorite alien at pnorthfe@asu.edu or follow him on Twitter @peternorthfelt.
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