The State Press has successfully conducted an investigation into ASU's beloved mascot, Sparky the Sun Devil. We have evidence to believe that Sparky is dead and has been replaced with AI.
In an effort to secure their 11th ranking as No. 1 in innovation, the University has been found responsible for murdering Sparky and replacing him with a deepfake.
An anonymous source told The State Press they found Sparky's severed head in the back of the football locker rooms last month, next to some extremely dusty football trophies.
"He had been there for a while," the source said. "There was no blood, and his face was frozen in a smile, meaning rigor mortis had already set in."
On a search for the rest of Sparky's remains, the University commissioned the Rowing Club at ASU to patrol Tempe Town Lake after they received a tip that his body was sunken just offshore.
In a statement, a spokesman for the Tempe Police Department said the Rowing Club at ASU was able to find and fish Sparky's discolored mascot body out of the lake, where it was taken to the medical examiner's office, along with the decapitated head, for an autopsy.
The autopsy report covered a myriad of details regarding the cause of Sparky's death, but it can be summed up by one word: murder.
The Deepfake
Despite these developments, a "Sparky" has been attending every game this semester, seemingly normal and with his head intact.
"Now that I think about it, he has started looking a little different," Sam Leavitt, the ASU quarterback, said. "It's as if there is nothing behind his eyes."
Some students began noticing the change at the first football game this semester.
Jill Smith, a student, said she was sitting in the front row the entire game, giving her a firsthand account of the strange habits Sparky was exhibiting.
Smith said she first became suspicious of Sparky when she noticed he looked like "he had a beauty filter on."
"His skin was so smooth, with no dimension or pores," Smith said. "It was hard to even recognize him."
During the game, Smith also said Sparky's facial expressions seemed unnatural and inorganic.
"I swear he did not blink the entire game," Smith said. "It was as if he was wearing a mask."
In addition to Sparky at games, students said they have noticed it acting differently around campus.
"It's like I don't even know who he is anymore," a student source said. "He doesn't even stop for selfies. He is like a shell of what he once was. It's almost like he's hollow inside."
The same student described a specific suspicious encounter he had with Sparky outside of the Memorial Union.
"Sparky and I high-fived, but he didn't put his hand down afterwards," the student said. "He just held it up there for minutes until I eventually walked away. It was like a glitch in his system."
The student also said Sparky had six fingers — which was pretty weird.
Conversations with the accused
The State Press was given a sit-down conversation with "Sparky" himself, hoping to get answers from the source about the deepfake allegations.
When asked if he had been replaced by AI, Sparky did not respond, but looked blankly at the reporter.
The State Press asked how long Sparky had been replaced, but he continued to stare. While this reaction was technically suspicious, The State Press recognizes that it is consistent with the mascot's normal behavior.
At the end of the interview, Sparky shook hands with the reporter, secretly passing on a note.
"01001000 01100101 01101100 01110000," the note read, which translates to "help."
In a desperate attempt to find the truth, our reporters contacted the office of ASU President Michael Crow, knowing he would respond authentically.
The State Press sent Crow an email, in which they asked if Sparky had been replaced by technology.
"Thank you for that thoughtful question The State Press! I am completely confident that Sparky has not been replaced by Artificial Intelligence — or any other type of technology. These claims — though well supported — are defamatory and utterly false, i.e. untrue or invalid. However, let me know if you need anything else The State Press! I am here to help," Crow said in his written statement to The State Press.
The Motive
Unenthused by Crow's awfully suspicious response, The State Press searched for a motive as to why the University would replace Sparky this way. All investigations pointed to the same cause: innovation.
According to an anonymous source from the University, the Crow administration was feeling threatened with the upcoming competition for who would take home the No. 1 in innovation trophy. He was waiting to make his announcement at the annual InnovationCon for a better shot at winning.
"We needed to one-up them," the University source said. "If we revealed the first-ever AI mascot, then maybe we could keep our title."
In Memoriam
To pay tribute to the Sparky there once was, students hosted a "Goodbye Sparky Party." There was a large bonfire in the middle that students circled, chanting the ASU Fight Song in unison.
"Cheer, cheer for A-S-U — Fight for the old Maroon — For it's hail, hail, the gang's all here — And it's onward to victory," the students slowly sang.
As a sign of respect, all of the attendees dressed up in Sparky's iconic costume. While most students appreciated the gesture, others found the resurrection attempt unsettling.
"It was really creepy and tasteless if I am being honest," one student said. "It was as if they were all wearing Sparky's skin."
As Sparky's memory lives on among the student body, people can't help but wonder: What University entity will be replaced by AI next?
Editor's Note: This article was written with the help of an advanced language processing model ... or was it?
Actual editor's note: The opinions presented in this column are the author's and do not imply any endorsement from The State Press or its editors.
Edited by Kasturi Tale, George Headley, Sophia Braccio and Pippa Fung.
Reach the reporter at ehprest1@asu.edu and follow @ellis_reports on X.
Like The State Press on Facebook and follow @statepress on X.
Ellis Preston currently works as a digital producer for The State Press and is in her third semester. Previously Ellis was a full-time politics reporter with The State Press. She is also affiliated with Arizona PBS where she works in their marketing department, and with Arizona Capitol Times as an intern.
