The Arizona Cardinals are quite possibly the world?s least grateful renters.
Last week, the organization filed a lawsuit against the ASU athletic department claiming that ASU had caused the Cardinals major losses in revenue and sponsorship rights in Sun Devil Stadium. In a pathetic attempt to raise money for their failing franchise, the Cardinals have asked for $21 million in damages.
The unfathomable financial effect the lawsuit may have on ASU has all the makings of a really bad horror movie.
If the Cardinals win the lawsuit, the athletic program at ASU would not be able to recover. Teams might be dismantled, jobs would be lost and the department would sink even further into a debt that it recently began to swim its way out of. Cardinals' President Bill Bidwell will serve as the overly greedy and incredibly unintelligent evil villain that everyone already hates.
In typical Hollywood fashion, the lawsuit could be settled on the field with the Sun Devils playing the Cardinals in the closest game all season. The winner would naturally take all: the Cardinals' brand new stadium in Glendale, the corporate sponsorships, and of course, a lifetime supply of Terrell Suggs bobble head dolls.
And what better place to stage the epic battle than Sun Devil Stadium? ASU might own and maintain the venue, but it provides a perfect evil lair in which the Cardinals can launch their feeble lawsuits for superiority.
Now that the characters and plot are set, the scenario only needs a conclusion. Since we want our film to be as realistic as possible, it?s only natural that the Devils win. The game might be close, but the sea of gold that would sell out the stadium would ultimately be the deciding factor. After all, when was the last time anyone wore red in Sun Devil stadium?
Stricken, defeated, and still disliked, Bidwell would be forced to reevaluate his financial practices and make money some other way. Wandering through the streets with his disheveled bola tie, a bum off the street could give him the most useful and obvious advice: ?Win games.?
Ryan Burch is a reporter for the Web Devil. Reach him at ryan.burch@asu.edu.
