This is an ode to my fellow control freaks.
You know who you are. You're the one who plans what you're going to do to the meticulous minutiae, creating schedules and to-do lists and a myriad of tools to keep you organized. You keep your place in some sense of order, even if it's an organized chaos.
You're the one who works harder than the morons around you, taking on the work of your clueless group members because they're incompetent and you can do a better job.
You're the one who's driven, purposeful. You have a plan, a goal. You're the one who's secretly afraid of losing control. You enjoy logic and clever games with clearly defined rules.
You have a hard time opening up to people and loosening up, sometimes you rely on tools like alcohol to give you that little push. You're the one who doesn't feel comfortable when someone does something for you because you don't want to seem weak.
You know the world is your oyster, and you're ready to take your pearl.
However, I've got news for you: Your need for control is a chain that keeps you weak. Your control is nothing more than an illusion.
As much as we seek to take charge and shape our realities, the reality is that we are among a multitude of others who are also trying to shape their own realities.
We cannot control everything.
Even if we tried hard to will it not to happen, the sun will still rise tomorrow. There are times in our lives when we will not be able to plan, when we will have to depend on others to help us do things and when we will fail.
After all, if you haven't failed at anything in your life, you haven't tried hard enough or done anything worth doing. The challenge is not maintaining control for as long as we can and avoiding experiences of powerlessness, but finding a way to become adaptive to the unknown.
The greatest experiences in life require a degree of powerlessness, whether they involve transportation (you can't control what the person in the other lane is going to do), a surfboard (you can't control the ocean) or a lover (you can't control what he/she thinks or feels).
As in everything in life, there is a balance. Some blame others for all of their problems and absolve themselves of all personal responsibility for their lives. Others demand complete adherence to their tyrannical whims, exerting their influence wherever possible and becoming petulant when they are not in control.
This is not strength. Strength comes from exerting will when possible and adapting when it is not possible. As one popular prayer goes, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."
But how can a certified control freak get started? First, a commitment must be made to shift the mindset. You must be willing to open your mind and tread unfamiliar paths, and the best way to learn how is to do it.
Put yourself in situations where you're not in control and really soak up the lessons those scenarios teach you. Be smart about the risks you take but start taking them, and begin looking at such experiences in a positive manner.
Remember, it's OK to fail the first time, as long as you learn. Acceptance of external reality and a commitment to adaptation is the second step to finding the meaning of life.
Nick Vaidyanathan is a computer science senior and can be reached at: Nicholas.vaidyanathan@asu.edu.
