According to Woody Allen, 80 percent of success is just showing up. While the film icon probably intended this pearl of wisdom to reflect his views on things like medical school interviews, I think we can also liken it to classroom attendance here at ASU.
And given the fact that a lot of us never make it to class in the first place, it's easy to understand why we do our best to finagle as many extra credit assignments as possible to make up for the remaining 20 percent.
Nearing the end of the semester, and perhaps even today, I have found myself prone to habitual nonattendance.
Truthfully, in one course I have managed to miss eight classes, which technically translates into four weeks of absence.
Do I support this behavior? Absolutely not. Am I going to continue this behavior regardless of my good intentions? Obviously.
Lack of sleep, "Sixteen Candles" movie marathons and overt Miller High Life-induced inebriation often lead to my lack of classroom presence, but I know this can't be the reason for everyone.
Therefore, because of the lack of - as Whoopi Goldberg described it in "Sister Act" - "butts in seats" that has begun to show itself more and more this time of year, one question remains: what are people doing with the time they don't spend in class?
Feeling the need to further explore this burgeoning phenomenon, I enlisted the help of several ASU students who were willing to offer their thoughts. Or at least the ones I could clearly overhear in the bathroom.
"I like to stay home and lay horizontally on the couch and watch my stories," said Kate Giovacchini, an English literature junior.
Adria Marquez, a planning and design senior, said, "When I don't go to class, I like to go to happy hour! Or shopping for shoes. Or shopping for shoes while drunk."
Richard Franco, a history education junior informed me, "I like to sit in front of the TV nude and watch SportsCenter. You know the drill."
I do, in fact, know the drill. But I usually opt to sit nude and watch "The O'Reilly Factor" on mute. Although politically we have nothing in common, I can't tell you the number of times I'd love to ask Bill if he has a keg in his pants - just so I could then tell him I'd like to tap it.
"I like to catch the early bird special at Denny's after three hours of 'Match Game' reruns," said Caryn Bird, an English education senior. "I just love that Charles Nelson Riley fellow with his sailor hat and ascot!"
Almost as much as the rest of us love Neil Patrick Harris, I'll bet.
A young pre-business and sociology sophomore who wanted to be cited as Art Vandelay (which he later told me was because "he didn't feel like getting stabbed tonight") added that he liked "writing bad poetry and listening to Phish records."
I suppose this activity also comes in handy when he can't remember which room the pretty British girls took their Taco Bell order to.
So next time you find yourself somewhere other than class - like maybe today, for example, or even right now - forget about that unfinished paper, that Blackboard post you didn't do or the group meeting you completely forgot about.
Instead of beating yourself up over it, try remembering that you're just exercising your right to membership in an even larger community of minds - one that judges success not in one's ability to show up, but in one's ability to effectively throw a rabid raccoon out of a moving vehicle.
Heather Hull is not in class today because she's watching "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle" nonstop. Try to guess why at: heather.hull@asu.edu.
