Finding yourself identified as immature can have severe and debilitating social consequences. It’s no wonder why students would abhor being told that they’re sophomoric. But there is a sentiment going around that describes us as the “entitled generation.” Perhaps we should listen up.
Psychologists and sociologists alike have been studying a popular trend in modern parenting styles: the overindulgence of young children.
“Consider a toddler who’s running in the park and trips on a rock,” wrote Lori Gottlieb, an author and psychotherapist, in The Atlantic. “If you don’t … let (them) grapple with the frustration of having fallen … (they have) no idea what discomfort feels like, and will have no framework for how to recover when (they feel) discomfort later in life.”
Care and concern certainly doesn’t sound like a bad thing; after all, our parents were only doing their best to ensure that we grew up better in a loving and caring environment.
It turns out that these efforts might actually work to sustain our immaturity long into adulthood.
The argument here is that the parents of our generation worked very hard to remove all aspects of discomfort since our birth, and thus we find it impossible to cope with almost any inconvenience later on.
Rather than learning to figure out our own problems, we were inadvertently conditioned to seek out our parents when something goes wrong.
Gottlieb elaborates on the problem of “over-encouragement.” Getting told by their parents every time a small task is accomplished that a child did a “great job,” he or she then feels that all tasks accomplished deserve recognition.
The problem isn’t just with parents; it’s in schools and Little Leagues, too. Psychologists have noticed that teachers and coaches no longer provide young people with the slightest bit of negative feedback.
Little Leagues have actually stopped keeping score in games so that players won’t feel bad about themselves if they lose; indeed, at the end of the season, each player will earn himself or herself a trophy for, well, something.
Instead of just admitting that their child might not be the next Fibonacci, parents attribute their child’s difficulty in math class to their “unique learning style” and promptly hire a tutor. Let’s face it: It’s not as hard to earn a gold star as it used to be.
Being “average” today simply isn’t an option for anybody. We were raised to believe that all of us are special and none of us can fail. But what could be wrong with trying to cushion our egos a bit? It takes only one look at MTV’s programming lineup to find the answer: Our generation is pretty full of itself.
Narcissism and a sense of entitlement can quickly engulf a healthy amount of self-esteem. Instead of making us feel good about ourselves, our mentors have made us feel better than everyone else.
The ego-driven dawn of Facebook and YouTube certainly hasn’t helped.
If today’s headlines are any indication, tomorrow’s adults will face some big problems and must cope with them. But it appears that a hope for a bright future might have already been killed, interestingly enough, with kindness.
Reach the columnist at jwadler@asu.edu
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