Kristine Godinez was so affected by her father’s borderline personality disorder as a teen that she contemplated suicide.
“I thought, if I do that, evil wins,” she said. “Crazy wins. I wasn’t about to let crazy win.”
Godinez, now the owner of a Valley counseling facility, recently published “What’s Wrong with Your Dad?”
The independently published memoir details her experiences as the daughter of a father with borderline personality disorder and a mother who displayed traits of the same disorder.
She spoke to a crowd of approximately 50 at Changing Hands bookstore in south Tempe Saturday night about the book and the disorders.
The memoir is written not as a clinician, but as a first-hand account from a survivor of a dysfunctional family.
“It is my story,” Godinez said. “My journal, my journey, what it was like growing up in a family that was real dysfunctional.”
Borderline personality disorder contains aspects of all major personality disorders, Godinez said. Her father was histrionic, narcissistic, anti-social, cold and irresponsible.
He had a rigid, ritualistic way of thinking, which led the family to be kicked out of every church they attended, Godinez said.
Her father was also paranoid. During Godinez’s childhood in the ‘70s, he built a bomb shelter for the family to use when the Russians came to invade.
Both he and her mother would take incidents to extreme levels. Godinez related a story of a time she tried to drive away as a 17-year-old after she intercepted blows her father directed at her dog.
Before she was out of the driveway, her mother ran and jumped on her car, landing on the windshield.
“Growing up in a family like that, you feel crazy,” Godinez said.
She chose to go into counseling because she wanted to help her mother, who was not nearly as far gone as her father.
Godinez insists that she is “not your grandfather’s therapist.” She uses humor and profanity in her sessions with clients at Aha! Counseling.
However, she said her brand of counseling is not enough to help people like her father.
The only effective treatment for borderline personality disorder is dialectical behavior therapy, a westernized form of Buddhist mindfulness, she said.
She noted that borderline personality disorder is a learned behavior. It can be unlearned and replaced with healthier behaviors, but the disorder never fully goes away.
“You don’t cure it,” she said. “You teach them how to behave a human being. It’s like training a dog.”
Rosanne Adessi, a friend of Godinez’s, was present in the audience.
Before Saturday’s speech, Adessi had read about half of “What’s Wrong with Your Dad?”
“It’s interesting discovering more about her childhood,” Adessi said. “I’ve always heard bits and pieces.”
She said the book and her 12-year-long friendship with Godinez had helped her with similar experiences she’s had with another person she knows who has had a similar situation to Godinez’s father.
Changing Hands assistant manager Eddie Case hosted Saturday’s event.
The bookstore hosts many such community events each week. Case estimated that he’s individually hosted more than 350 in the four years he has worked there.
“Our mission isn’t just to sell books,” he said. “We want to meet with people, share ideas. There aren’t many places like these.”
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