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I spent the majority of my childhood watching the news. No seriously, it was on 24/7 in my house. As the 2010s brought a wave of disruption through the Middle East, I remember the sense of anxiety my 6-year-old self would feel in my grandparents' house in Irbid, Jordan. It wasn't like anyone told me they were worried, but I could feel it. Al Jazeera was on day and night, and I never looked away. I remember watching the Syrian civil war and the Syrian refugee crisis unfold. I remember being asked if Jordan was 'safe to visit' when I would tell my American classmates I was going there for the summer.
I wanted to show everyone that my home country was safe and beautiful, so I would take photos of my family’s garden and the stunning sea and show them to everyone. It became a personal mission of mine to show everyone how normal the Middle East is.
In my teenage years, I realized journalism could be my way of giving back to my land and showing others what was so special about it. So, when it came time to work on college applications in high school, I applied to journalism schools, and my first acceptance was to ASU's Walter Cronkite School of Journalism and Mass Communication.
However, despite my dream of pursuing journalism, my 17-year-old, high-school-senior self filled with doubts. I was told by my peers that ASU was a "party school" and that journalism was an unstable career with limited opportunities. I was insecure and focused on impressing those around me rather than fulfilling myself. So, I began to gaslight myself.
When I finally assessed all of my college acceptances, I decided on Indiana University. Other than spending a brief one-year period of my childhood in Indiana, I didn't know much about the place, but IU looked like a good school, so I went with it. I soon found it hard to gain my footing at IU, and I went from majoring in journalism to being "undecided" to studying policy analysis to finally landing on public financial management.
I went into IU knowing I was not set on the school. From day one, I had my doubts, and I knew I did not want to be in the small town of Bloomington, Indiana. I spent the academic year going back and forth on whether I should transfer. Finally, in January, I applied to ASU as a transfer student and was accepted. Yet, contemplation plagued my mind, and by April, I decided to stay in Indiana for at least another year.
Going back home to Pennsylvania for the summer gave me time to clear my head and process my feelings. I felt happier at home than I did in my college town, and the thought of returning to Bloomington weighed on me every day. In July 2023, I finally realized that enough was enough and I needed to leave if I wanted to keep my sanity.
A new start
Within the next six months, I went through significant life changes. I moved with my parents from Pennsylvania to Texas, dropped out of IU, took the fall semester off and moved to Arizona alone in January 2024 to attend ASU... as a finance major. While I was not particularly interested in a finance-specific career, I figured my mathematical skills would be put to good use, and the career opportunities seemed promising.
College looks different for everyone. In movies, it seems like the best time of your life — socializing and meeting your best friends or "sisters" in a sorority. My sheltered-college-freshman self was obsessed with fitting this mold. But, when I looked around me, I knew deep down I wasn't an Indiana girl. I wasn't white, I didn't have connections in sororities and I didn't even feel like I belonged to any group. I was an Arab girl from an immigrant background who had no idea how an American university really worked.
I spent my first year of college being so hung up on having the traditional college experience, I didn't realize that my whole life had been the definition of untraditional. I decided it was time for a significant change.
By the time I got to ASU, I felt like I had already lived a whole college experience before this one. I was dreading everything from my first day of class, to making friends and, of course, studying. When I reflected back on my first year of university, I felt like I was looking at a nightmare, so I wanted my time in Arizona to be the exact opposite.
After taking a semester off, I felt like a new person. My interests and priorities had completely changed. I no longer wanted to focus on building a surface-level social life — I wanted to concentrate on finding my passion and furthering my education.
I hate my major
As many students have, I fell victim to the "DON'T PICK A USELESS MAJOR" rhetoric, which is why I am a finance major. This was a mistake. It took me one semester at ASU to realize I did not want a life of making Excel spreadsheets and being surrounded by finance bro culture.
Before I knew it, my first semester at ASU had come to an end, and I contemplated long and hard about a switch to journalism — the dream that's lived in my head for years. Although I knew I wanted to switch, I had already registered for fall classes and signed a lease that was nowhere near the journalism school in downtown Phoenix. I felt stuck, but I continued to move forward. I still knew I wanted to get into journalism, and I was willing to use whatever means I had to do so.
On a random day in June, I found The State Press website and opened the reporter application. I wanted the job so bad, I even emailed the executive editor asking when interviews would take place. In September, I was delighted to get an email from Savannah Dagupion, the editor-in-chief of State Press Magazine. I had my interview with Savannah, and I put my all into it. I expressed how journalism was my passion and I wouldn't let my finance background get in the way. To my surprise, I got an offer to start writing for the magazine.
My first story was published in "The Horror Issue," which was released in October 2024. I chose to write about the dark web — something I had spent years watching YouTube videos about. I tried my best to execute the story, interviewing professors with expertise on the subject for two hours each.
My first drafts weren't too impressive and looked sparse. When I finished my story, I was worried that my editors would find it disappointing or unfulfilling. But, I was surprised to learn that the story was chosen as the issue's feature. For the first time at university, I felt like I was finally good at something. I finally had an accomplishment I could be proud of. After a year at IU and a semester at ASU, I got a "win."
Settling in
Even with my venture into journalism and my busy class schedule, I still felt lonely. Much of my time was spent on campus, but I didn't have a community. It was difficult to find the motivation to make friends in my new hometown, Austin, and in my new college town, Tempe. I felt like everything was temporary. What's the point if I'm only here for another two years?
I spent my time going to career fairs at the business school, trying to perfect my resume and elevator pitch, but I always left feeling empty. I met so many people in Arizona, but I didn't feel like we had a connection or a bond. That's what's hard about college — you're surrounded by different people at all times of the day, but you don't really know them.
One fateful day, a strange set of events led me to a new friend. She was just like me — she was Arab, loved to travel, was pursuing an untraditional path and had so many questions about the world. I felt like I met my other half. My first real, non-surface level friendship at ASU was finally happening. We had gone through many of the same changes during college, including changes in majors and struggling to form friendships. It was the start of a new era for me. We spent our weekends going to different cafes, watching documentaries and talking about politics — the number one pastime in Arab culture.
As the weeks went on, I worked on more stories for SPM, passed my classes and settled in to Arizona.
Full circle
I started my college applications wanting to go to ASU and attend the Cronkite school. Somehow, this turned into a three-year song and dance. I went to IU, changed my major a bunch of times, dropped out, transferred to ASU, majored in finance, and then found my way to The State Press, pursuing journalism in the end (insert clown emoji here). While I do struggle with feeling behind and indecisive, without this rollercoaster, I would not have the lore I have today.
If you've made it this far in the story, I'm sorry to tell you that this is not the end. I still have another year and a half of school to get through — ugh. I'll be honest, I still feel unfulfilled at times (every day). I see how many of my peers are pursuing careers related to their majors, and I haven't even done a finance-related internship.
When I was a kid, I wanted to know more about everything. I had questions; about religion, about death, about war, about protests, and nobody around me was interested in answering them. In a way, journalism is my way of answering the questions that have been in my head since I was a 6-year-old watching the start of a never-ending struggle unfold on live TV. While the violence stayed on the screen, the anxiety I felt being in the streets of my city was real. I still spend an absurd amount of time researching the events of the 2010s in the Middle East.
Following your true interests and passions is scary. We are constantly told to "be realistic" and "choose a useful major." Nobody truly knows you the way you know yourself. Nobody knew why I felt so connected and called to journalism. Maybe they thought by steering me away, they were saving me from a harsh wake-up call later. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself is to follow the dream that was put in your mind — and not worry about following a set path.
Edited by Savannah Dagupion, Leah Mesquita and Audrey Eagerton.
This story is part of The Best of ASU, which was released on April 30, 2025. See the entire publication here.
Reach the reporter at banihanijude@gmail.com and follow @jud3moodyon Instagram.
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Jude is a junior studying finance. This is her second semester with The State Press.
