I lay in bed, curled up with my knees almost brushing my chin, mindlessly scrolling Instagram, when I came across a trending phrase: "My girl's going to ASU".
The comments were flooded with hate, smearing the couple and confirming their inevitable downfall. I rolled my eyes.
The existence of so many videos like this, and the confidence from people online to completely dismiss commitment, made me wonder: Why is commitment often regarded as trivial at ASU, and is moving from endless flings to true connection really possible?
In the past, dating followed a familiar set of rules: meet someone, get to know them, then decide whether to move forward. Today, the goalposts have been moved and many find achieving commitment to be a challenge.
For some couples, relationships flourish, transitioning quickly from dating to an official title. Others find themselves stuck in an endless cycle of uncertainty — searching for meaning in relationships often devoid of emotional connection and situational clarity.
In current times, many undefined relationships coexist and often overlap as the internet and changes in culture mark a new era for dating.
As relationships have developed over time, a new term has been coined: "situationship." Making its way through pop culture in the late 2000s, this phrase has grown to symbolize the lack of commitment in modern dating. Complicating, frustrating and often disastrous, these relationships are now commonplace.
When confronted with ambiguous relationship questions in his classrooms, Paul Mongeau, a professor at the Hugh Downs School of Human Communication, asked his students to define them. After a long moment of silence, a voice in the back of the room spoke up, describing situationships as "friends with benefits."
"The response was really interesting," Mongeau said, "The giggling started right whe[n] the person said it, but it spread across the room in all directions."
Moments like these marked the beginning of decades of research by Mongeau into the concept of "friends with benefits," or what are now known as situationships.
He found the terms used to describe these relationships often obscured their true character, creating confusion and misunderstanding.
"The problem is everybody knows what it is, but everybody's understanding is different. We both agree we're in a friends with benefits relationship, but my goal might be to have fun and hang out, while your goal might be to turn this into something more," Mongeau said.
Jaager Howell, a senior studying psychology and counseling, finds that he uses the term situationship as a placeholder for uncertainty. Often, two people in a situationship are ready for physical and emotional connection, but are unclear when and how to turn it into a relationship.
"I’ve been in two situationships. It’s all about intention. When I wasn’t clear on what I wanted, that’s when I used the term," Howell said. "Saying situationship was an easy way to label something neither of us understood."
To remedy the murkiness of situationships, Mongeau set out to differentiate these relationships, separating them into categories based on a variety of factors, primarily, the level of emotional support expected and subsequently provided.
"People are describing fundamentally different kinds of relationships all under this friends with benefits label, and so if we do have these different types, then the communication between partners should differ in some fundamental ways. And that's where the idea of support came in," he said.
The struggle that makes these relationships uniquely challenging is the lack of communication and boundaries established between individuals.
"You can stumble into a situation that works really well for you, that it just happens that you have the same goals and that you're interpreting each other's behaviors in a way that's coordinated, right? ... The problem is, if you're not talking, then coordination is going to split," Mongeau said.
When coordination splits, the situationship falls apart.
"That's in part why situationships, for example, and friends with benefits, too, are so hard sometimes because people are looking at the relationships in fundamentally different ways," Mongeau said.
Often, students recognize the importance of communication, yet still fail to prioritize it. But if communication is so central to healthy relationships, why is it avoided? Mongeau attributes this avoidance, in part, to the ego, which stems from the avoidance of any information that might deflate their sense of self.
Although ego can contribute to breakdowns in communication, Howell doesn’t regard it as a negative emotion because it represents what someone is trying to protect about themselves. Problems arise when ego hardens into pride and individuals fail to look introspectively.
"When your ego is hurt, pride comes up as defense. Everything feels logical when you’re defending yourself, but you miss the emotions of the other person," Howell said, "I think a lot of people struggle to take a critical look at themselves."
Lee Naea, a junior at Ottawa University, and Prescilla Pascua, a junior studying psychology at ASU, found their transition from situationship to relationship fairly simple.
They met in Hawaii while working together at an after-school program.
"I saw her and I was like, 'I gotta try,'" Naea said, "One day we told our coworkers to just go to the beach. We spent the whole day there and that’s kind of how it started."
During the start of their relationship, Pascua took steps to ensure clarity.
"I was pretty direct from the start. I made it clear I wasn’t here for a one-time fling. If you want something serious, let me know, because I do too," Pascua said.
She found that this method differed from the way many approach situationships, which often lack clear boundaries.
"One of the biggest issues is the lack of a label. If one partner wants something serious and the other doesn't, it’s hard to communicate that," she said.
Naea and Pascua argue that situationships often fail because they rely solely on the highs, rather than embracing the challenges that will inevitably come in a relationship. For a relationship to be successful, it needs to cultivate compromise, growth and mutual effort.
"Relationships aren't always easy going, there will be bumps in the road and that happens in every relationship," Pascua said, "It's about the effort and fixing those problems and making sure you both recover from that so you can continue growing together."
For Naea and Pascua, a successful relationship means showing up every day for each other. They compare this to a trust fall where one person falls back and trusts the other to be there for them, even when effort isn't evenly split.
"A relationship isn’t always 50/50," Naea said, "If you give in this much, I’ll give in this much for today like, I got you. So it’s just about having each other’s backs."
Although relationships are ever-changing, new technology has played a unique role in their evolution. The flood of opinions, advice and expectations circulating through social media greatly impacts romantic relationships, often amplifying uncertainty.
"There's more voices speaking to you than there would have been nearly 50 years ago or 40 years ago," Mongeau said, "And if you're listening to other people and not your partner, that's really problematic."
For Howell, he finds that, despite following verified therapists, his algorithm often contains a lot of "red pill" content that perpetuates misogyny.
"It feels like social media is always trying to push me toward this idea that women are property. It’s very odd. It’s always there," he said.
Researchers at the ASU @HEART lab, or Healthy Experiences Across Relationships and Transitions, study how experiences like Howells' shape young adults' relationships. The lab focuses on how adolescents build, maintain and sometimes struggle as they navigate romantic experiences, as well as how these experiences impact their emotional well-being and long-term adjustment. By integrating perspectives from a variety of individuals, the lab works to facilitate healthy relationships as they evolve.
Taren McGray, a Ph.D. student and researcher at the @HEART lab, calls the change in communication caused by social media the "digital affordance." This is a fundamental difference in communication from the past and she believes it may be contributing to the struggles students often face in relationships.
"If you're DMing or texting someone, you're not seeing their face, you're not hearing their tone, you're not getting those interpersonal cues, so it totally changes the meaning," McGray said.
McGray explained how the lack of face-to-face communication caused by social media introduces a new dimension when it comes to harmful relationships. Because of digital affordance, this harm can cause a larger and possibly more damaging psychological impact.
"It's easier to type out a really mean message if you can't see their face and see how hurt they are," McGray said.
Maggie Auza, a graduate student working at the @HEART lab, stresses how online dating has introduced a new element to relationships as well, expanding what was once a small pool of potential partners to far more than that. The dating scene now primarily exists online and in-person "meet-cutes" have become less prevalent. She attributes this to fear of rejection — rejection online feels less personal.
"That changes how people think about conflict too. Instead of asking 'How do we fix this?' it becomes 'Do I stay?' because there are so many other options [to date]," Auza said.
Despite the obstacles social media brings, there are ways to cultivate healthy relationships that exist in harmony with new technology. This includes education and recognizing the challenges that social media can cause.
"Everyone is really struggling with just recognizing these forms of harm as harm, not minimizing it. It's not a normal part of teen love, to be feeling controlled, to be feeling hurt," McGray said.
Because of this, Auza believes that the conflict presented by these relationships isn’t always negative — instead it can be used as an opportunity to grow.
"I wish students understood that they’re building relationship skills as they go," she said. "Conflict doesn’t mean withdrawal. If anything, it means you need to come together and talk more."
Relationships today provide a unique opportunity for self-discovery and growth, allowing individuals to blossom as they explore romantic connections.
"A healthy relationship isn’t about posting the most or seeing each other all the time," Auza said, "It's someone who helps you grow and doesn’t restrict you while you’re figuring out who you are."
Edited by Leah Mesquita, Natalia Jarrett and Abigail Wilt. This story is part of The Love Issue, which was released on February 25, 2026. See the entire publication here.
Reach Lucia Zettler at llzettle@asu.edu and follow her on Instagram at @luciazettler.
Like State Press Magazine on Facebook, follow @statepressmag on X and Instagram and read our releases on Issuu.
Lucia Zettler is a part-time journalist in the magazine department. She is in her second semester at the State Press.
