Just in case you've forgotten there are people in this world who spend every second of their day naked as jaybirds! Today, we are going to take a stripped-down look at the wonder that is the nudist movement as it stands today.
The original philosophy behind nudism is the issue of liberation, a freedom that supposedly isn't there when clothes are on.
But according to Reuters, Ellen Woodall, a researcher at the University of Florida in Gainesville, has recently "exposed" a new theory about nudism.
Woodall is not only an enthusiast, but also a member, practicing nudism for 15 exposed years. She happily spent two summers as a housekeeper at a nudist resort as part of her two-year study.
These resorts have actually evolved into a sizable business from idealistic and counter-cultural beginnings about 70 years ago, with annual revenues estimated at around $400 million.
I can't decide which is worse, people who pay exorbitant amounts of money for "designer" clothes, or people who pay equally exorbitant amounts to cast their clothes aside. It would make more sense to me if these people were paid to be nude.
But here is Ellen to tell us how it is really like on the inside.
"People at nudist resorts tend to behave similarly to the way they do in the outside world, with the usual sexual hang-ups, social distinctions and gossip about weight, breast enlargements and the size of personal endowments," says Woodall.
I find this particularly ironic considering the fact that the nudist movement was initially created in order to do away with the obsession our society seems to have with physical perfection, or lack thereof.
"While nudists often think of themselves as progressive, the practice of nudism fails to live up to its ideal that everyone will be treated the same, regardless of social standing or body shape," Woodall said.
As such, Woodall informs us that, "[I]t is rather like life with clothes on."
Seriously though, what did anyone expect it would be like?
It's not as if our bodies cease to require oxygen once our clothes come off. Our hair doesn't grow any faster. We still get tired and hungry, just like we always did. To think that life would be different seems kind of ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as people paying money to live without their clothes.
So where else in this world might we observe human beings carrying on their lives in the buff, aside from the aforementioned nudist movement?
After spending many years reading National Geographic magazines, sadly, one of the few things that I actually learned is that there are civilizations somewhere in this world that don't necessarily place clothing too high on their list of priorities.
Now, of course, I don't remember what these people call themselves, or where in the world they live. I only remember that they were scantily clad and often were captured in photographs standing in and around bushes, so we'll just refer to them as the bushmen. No offense to actual Bushmen, if you're reading!
As such, I feel it appropriate to compare and contrast the nudist movement as we know it, with that of our friends, the bushmen of National Geographic.
On both sides we clearly have groups of people who feel that their lives would be better spent disrobed.
Both groups seem to enjoy physical fitness; however, on one side we have trivial games with the word "nude" added to the beginning. Games such as nude lawn bowling, nude twister and nude leapfrog are just a select few.
On the other side, the word nude seldom, if ever, precedes the name of an activity, but we'll add it just for kicks. So here we would have "games" such as nude catch dinner, nude build our house and nude make our clothes.
Let us also consider the diets of these two elusive walks of life.
For the nudist colonies, we have members who adhere to very strict diets which include lobster, aged beef and a host of other foods that tickle their fancy (and milk their wallets).
Then we have the bushmen, who I know I've seen dining on everything from grilled tarantula to rotisserie squirrel, not to mention the favorite bat kabob.
Clearly, these two groups have two very different outlooks on life. I am getting all of the signs that indicate that nudism is little more than prancing around naked, whereas the bushmen seem to have somewhat of a subsistence theme going on there.
And don't forget that this nudist movement is worldwide, folks.
Not more than a year and a half ago, two separate nudist groups in Germany were arguing over whether visitors at nudist retreats or resorts should be required to be naked at all times.
Personally, if I were lawn bowling in my skinwear, I would want a bit of protection, just in case. I can see it now — you're trying to pick up that 7-10 split and you give your ball a heave. You're running down the "lane" to see the outcome, and suddenly, you start to go down. You try desperately to maintain your balance, but you inevitably go down face first, mid-section second, if you're lucky. Now that spells pain.
I think it's time that we face it: Adam and Eve tried the nudism thing, and for one reason or another, things didn't work out. Let's stop beating this dead horse and put your clothes back on!
Michael Pameditis is a computer science
engineering senior. Reach him at mike.pameditis@asu.edu.
