You can buy smokes and condoms from a vending machine, so why not beer?
That's apparently the mindless reasoning of a few Clifton, Va. residents, who thought a cold Budweiser should be available to anyone with four quarters, no matter what their age.
According to Associated Press, Clifton has been neck deep in controversy after local businesses donated a soda machine to the town meeting hall. Soon after, cans of Budweiser were being sold next to Cokes and Pepsis.
That means everyone from Goober to Gomer to Little Opie can pop open a can of suds. That sounds like my kind of Mayberry.
Town Council member Marguerite Buckley told The Washington Post that she complained to Clifton's mayor, James Chesley, and "he said he would take care of it."
And that he did.
Instead of removing the beer from the vending machine, someone covered up the Budweiser displayed in the window with a piece of paper.
Let's take a moment to salute the exemplary and crime-fighting ability of Clifton officials. Can't you just see mayor Chesley sitting around with his fellow redneck good 'ol boys, discussing a solution?
"Whoo, boy fellas. We got ourselves one Jim-dandy of a problem. Apparently there's a vending machine in Town Hall that sells beer. Can you believe that?" he would say, giving a wink across the table. "I guess that's illegal."
With that, Clifton's chief of police would throw his two cents into the discussion.
"Hey, I got an idear fellas. Why don't we just outlaw all vending machines? What'd ya think?"
"Naw, that's too drastic," one of his cronies would answer. "Where would we get our chew and Marlboros?"
"No, OK, I got it," the chief would offer. " Why don't we just paste some paper over the beer?"
Wow, I'm sure glad these guys don't work for NASA.
Apparently, the beers were intended for members of the Clifton Lions Club, which meets in the town hall twice a month. And guess who's a member? Mayor Chesley.
Council member Buckley was not amused by the mayor's "solution," so she called on the Virginia Department of Alcohol Beverage Control last Wednesday.
The ABC wouldn't comment on whether an investigation was pending but confirmed that it is illegal to sell beer from a vending machine, because buyers "must be 21 years of age, and vending machines do not discern age."
And apparently, Clifton is not alone in its beer-guzzling mentality. According to the ABC, criminal charges have been filed in two similar cases in recent years. The maximum penalty is a $2,500 fine and a year in jail.
What is the state of America when anyone, and we mean anyone, can walk into a town hall with four quarters (unless it has a dollar bill acceptor for convenience) and buy a beer?
Now, what if the people running that town don't see it as a problem? Instead, they try to cover it up by literally… covering it up.
But we shouldn't come down on Virginia too hard. At least they're not Arkansas, where they probably sell beer with their school lunches.
