LOS ANGELES - Michael Jackson, the King of Freak, announced Monday his plans for exploiting world paranoia with a SARS surgical mask fashion line.
"This is a way for me to give back to all the children of the world ... that I've molested," Jacko said, laughing in the most inappropriate way one could, even for a freakin' pedophile like himself. "No, seriously, Bubbles the Chimp and I sat down for several hours designing these very safe, comfortable and highly-fashionable surgical masks so that my insane fans would pay loads of money from here to Neverland to be like me."
Jacko then jumped on the back of a llama, giggled like a little girl running through a field of wildflowers, and proceeded to ride to his favorite climbing tree.
The line of surgical masks, called "Le SARS," is set to debut at Nordstrom's, Macy's and the bondage aisle of Castle Boutique by the end of the week.
An official with the Center for Disease Control was unsure whether the masks would actually protect wearers from SARS (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome), but was excited for the clearance extravaganza set for just one hour after their sale to the public gets underway.
"Protecting us from SARS? That's doubtful," Hubert Black said. "Will I look like a 'Smooth Criminal' wearing one? You betcha," he added, and then disturbingly grabbed his crotch, squealed and moonwalked back to his office.
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