Every week this past semester, the lovely, talented and witty Joy Hepp has investigated the most interesting people and trends on campus.
She has scoured the palm-tree-lined sidewalks of ASU with her photographer in tow; in search of those terribly interesting characters we get the pleasure of learning about each week.
But today, ladies and gentlemen, the tables have turned, and as a final farewell to the "Don't I Know You?" columns we know and love so much, I bring to you Joy Hepp, in all of her glory.
SPM: Don't I know you?
Hepp: I'm your boss.
SPM: So that's why you look so damn familiar. Tell me, Joy, what kinds of strange folks have you met while writing this column of yours?
Hepp: Well, haven't you read my columns?
SPM: Sure, sure, all the time. But who's been your favorite interviewee?
Hepp: Well, the bicycle girl was really nice. I saw her at the Howard Dean rally, and she showed me a copy of her article that she had Howard Dean sign. I saw her again, and she told me she sent the article in to Disney with her résumé to get a job.
SPM: I see that girl everywhere now. Do you feel cultured having met all of these odd folks?
Hepp: I feel like I have a better idea of ASU's campus. I got to talk to all the people that I've seen around and wanted to know more about.
SPM: So what are you up to now?
Hepp: At this moment in time, I'm writing a paper about booty.
SPM: Booty? Like pirate's booty?
Hepp: No, booty in hip-hop culture. But in the future, I'm moving onto a higher editorial position ... hopefully.
SPM: So now that you're leaving, what will you miss most about your column?
Hepp: Having an excuse to talk to people and find out what their deal is.
SPM: Well, couldn't you do that otherwise?
Hepp: I'm kind of shy and kind of not. One time, my freshman year of high school, I went the whole year without saying anything in a student government class. Here's the epitome of my weird shyness; I had the balls to run for freshman secretary, but I was too pussy to say one word all year.
SPM: Well, has this column helped at all?
Hepp: Journalism in general has helped. I've interviewed some high-class celebrities. For instance, Heather Graham, Matt Damon, Adrian Brody, Kevin Costner ... These have all been in person. Then both Pauly Shore and Heath Ledger over the phone.
SPM: So should these "Don't I Know You?" characters you talk to feel privileged? Like, "Oh, Joy Hepp, who's interviewed Matt Damon, is interviewing me!"
Hepp: Not like that, but if I put you in the column, that means people know who you are and you're making some sort of impact on campus, even if it's just adding spice. Let's switch things up a bit. Can I ask YOU a question?
SPM: Umm, this isn't how this works, Hepp, but it's your column, so shoot.
Hepp: Have you enjoyed doing this interview?
SPM: Sure. Interrogate the boss, what's not to love?
Hepp: Good, you wanna do it next semester? Cause I'm handing the torch to you.
SPM: Why, Joy, I'm speechless.
Hepp: I know you can find the real gems. My goal was always to get hate mail.
SPM: Well, did you get any?
Hepp: Yeah, just one about the bike girl. They said the column was irrelevant and that I should go back to English 101 and that not even Disney would publish something so hokey.
SPM: Well I'm the girl for this job then, 'cause I sure as hell know what it's like to get hate mail. I can just interview a Thrice fan. It'll go a little something like this ... "Don't I know you...oh that's right, you sent me hate mail!"
Hepp: You should start off with that.
SPM: That'd be rad. OK, if you, reader, are one of the warm, kind-hearted people who decided to tell me how much I reek of stupidity, drop me a line and we'll chat. I know there are a few of you out there. Well, Joy, now that the torch has been passed, is there one person you regret not interviewing?
Hepp: Actually, my biggest regret is not interviewing a Catholic priest and asking him, "What if God was one of us?"
Reach the reporter at erika.wurst@asu.edu if you want to write her hate mail or know of any "Don't I Know You?" candidates.
