I was at a late night establishment with a friend a few weeks ago. We were talking about leaving the dreaded message on a woman's voicemail. As we were talking about how voicemail messages need to be pre-scripted as opposed to improvised, I saw a man pinch a woman on the butt as they crossed paths.
I was in total shock that a man would pinch a woman. First off, I do not see how that ridiculous thought actually comes up in the human brain. "Hey, there's a cute girl, I think I am going to pinch her. Yeah, that'll make her like me." I suppose talking and getting to know her is an unfathomable action.
At this point, I decided to do something that hasn't been done since the Jazz Age. I was going to defend her honor. Keep in mind, I am not a traditionalist at all, but this notion needs to be brought back.
I am sure that Thomas Jefferson fought many wig-heads who dishonored the lovely dames. I can just imagine it now.
"Excuse me sir," Thomas Jefferson said. "But you have disgraced my lady. Put on your dueling gloves and let's battle."
"You want to duel? Let's duel then!" said the wig-head.
Of course Thomas Jefferson won because he was a fine marksman. But going back to reality, of course, I decided I needed to step up and do the right thing.
I approached the female, and I told her that I was going to defend her honor. She told me that it was no big deal, but I decided to seek out this unruly man. I was prepared to go Kabuki Jo on him in some combat action. However, after about two minutes of unsuccessful searching, I gave up.
I turned around, and she was talking to a guy. I went over to my friend, and he was talking to a girl. I decided to walk around the place. I crossed paths with a female, and she pinched me. A conversation ensued, and we exchanged pleasantries. The ordeal was rather nice actually.
Ryan Lorenzo is a journalism senior. If you contact him at ryan.lorenzo@asu.edu, he may let you inappropriately pinch him.
