They finally did it. They finally killed "Saw."
Whatever torture the victims in "Saw III" went through, it could not compare to the suffering I experienced watching what was once a truly inspired horror franchise get hacked up into pieces, sewn together haphazardly and punted into theaters just in time for another Halloween release.
The film's premise finds Jigsaw (Tobin Bell), the man known for setting up unusually elaborate "tests" requiring people to fight through extreme pain in an attempt to achieve salvation, is back, but cancer-ridden and barely alive.
This forces his protegee Amanda (Shawnee Smith) to step up to the task of kidnapping Dr. Lynn Denlon (Bahar Soomekh), who must keep Jigsaw's heart beating long enough for another victim, Jeff (Angus Macfayden), to complete a series of rooms testing his ability to forgive those who wronged him.
The infamous torture-based traps are back in action and nearly on par with previous ones.
One visually intense scene shows a man who wakes up with metal chains piercing various body parts. He must then rip the metal from his flesh within the set time limit to escape or die trying.
Even as cool as this sequence was, it - along with the very few other highlights - had little to do with the rest of the film. Later, after reading an interview on About.com with director Darren Lynn Bousman, I understood why the scenes were added.
"When we originally came up with the idea, we had no traps involved; or no gore in it," Bousman said to the Web site. "We had a story and it wasn't until the script was written that we were like, 'F**k - We need traps.'"
Worse yet, this Jigsaw puzzle attempts to put all the pieces in order.
Not content with merely ruining the opportunity for a clever third installment, the film manages the amazing feat of tainting its predecessors with a barrage of flashbacks to the prior films.
While serving partially as background for viewers who may have not seen or remembered much of "Saw" and "Saw II," these trips into the past also fill in gaps previously left to the imagination.
But just as characters in recent release "The Prestige" discussed, audiences do not want to find out how a trick is done.
Knowledge is disappointing. It is wonder that makes movies have magic.
Wrapping the trilogy into a nice, bloody package destroys the very essence of what made the previous films so gripping.
It is the unknown - like being alone at night in an unfamiliar place - that scares us. Shining a hot, white light on darkness turns evil into something clinical.
I can already hear fans asking, "What about the final twist? The last two were so good and I can't imagine this one being any less shocking."
Yes, it had the signature "Saw" twist and yes, you will likely not guess it beforehand, but the ending pretty much sucked, to put it lightly.
When the credits started rolling I was so angry that I found myself yelling to no one in particular, "I WANT MY MONEY BACK! I WANT MY MONEY BACK!" until a friend whispered to me, "Dude, we got in for free, remember?"
Oh yeah.
'Saw III'
♆♆♆♆♆
Director: Darren Lynn Bousman
Cast: Tobin Bell, Shawnee Smith, Angus Macfayden, Bahar Soomekh
Rating: Rated R for strong grisly violence and gore, sequences of terror and torture, nudity and language.
Reach the reporter at: michael.chichester@asu.edu.