You never want to wake up in a room like this.
My eyes peel open as every one of my senses are assaulted. The air is dense and almost palpable, with a cold, lingering must. All I have is a sheet and a deflated, yellowing pillow for support, and as I look around the bare (yet somehow disheveled) room, I notice an old Taco Bell bag lying next to me.
I grab the receipt: three Doritos Locos Tacos Combo, Nacho Fries, a Beefy 5-layer Burrito and a large Mountain Dew Baja Blast. Who the hell is this guy?
I stumble out of the twin XL bed and make way for the nearest bathroom, but with every step I feel something is off. I slowly turn the doorknob and creak open the door, searching in the darkness for a light switch.
As I flip the switch, the bright fluorescent lights beat down on my eyes. I close them for a second, and finally look — Oh my God. It's me. I am him!
My eyes light up as the reality of what has happened sets in. I jolt back into the room and stop dead in my tracks, staring at the large flag with fraternity letters above the bed.
It finally happened. I am an ASU frat boy!
I run down the stairs like a kid on Christmas morning, and meet my brothers all waiting for me in the kitchen. "Good morning!" they say in unison. I dap each of them up, every meeting of our hands more natural than the last.
The boys are making protein shakes and more eggs than any normal person should consume. One passes me a shake. "What time is class?" I ask. They all laugh.
I head back upstairs to my room and pick my outfit for the day: a polo, khaki shorts that cut off mid-thigh, Birkenstock Boston clogs (with no socks) and a baseball cap.
As I head out the door, I notice a full gallon jug of water sitting on the counter. Something tells me that I need to grab it.
I start my day at the Tempe campus Sun Devil Fitness Center and walk through the doors with no fear, feeling at home. I sit at one machine for hours just because I can. Before I go, I take low-exposure, delicately posed photos of my gains in the mirror for half an hour.
Back at the Greek Leadership Village, I indulge in a game of Spikeball with my boys as the sun shines down on our glistening tan abdomens. I've never played this game before, but I found my footing pretty quickly. I spike the winning hit and my teammate daps me up, "That was so ferda, bro," he says. "Preesh, bro," I chime.
Once the game is over, we go back inside to change and get ready for a big night out. Soon after, I hop in the Fetii and head down to Mill Ave for a night of bar hopping. Somewhere in between my C.A.S.A. bucket and a round of Natty's, I meet a sorority Touse Stacy and her friend. My brother and I decide to host a post-game back at the GLV with our new two-man.
When we get back to the house, I take out my at-home DJ kit and force the girls to sit through the shittiest set they’ve ever heard. Once they've had enough and bounce, I realize the night is still young! My brother and I head out to the house we're renting for our frats' "Soviet hoes and capitalist bros" themed party.
On the way there, my brother asks how my day went. Truthfully, this has been the best day of my life, but I know I can’t just say that. "Chill," I replied, nonchalantly.
"What are we doing tomorrow?" I ask. "We start again, bro," he says. As we approach the house, I can’t help but smile. I can't believe this is my life!
The rest of the night is a blur of flicking my hand in the air and kicking girls out for absolutely no reason and soon after, I pass out.
I wake up the next morning at the same house, in a bathtub. I pull myself up and beeline for the mirror. You're kidding me. I frown at my reflection — I'm me again. I decide to get out of the house as quickly as possible, and mope all the way home.
I get back to my place and open my phone to missed calls and texts from my friends, family and my boss. I realize I must have no-call, no-showed work yesterday and frantically open my boss's message — I have been terminated. At that moment, I remember I actually did have class, so I shakily cracked open my laptop to peek at my Canvas grades.
My wrist goes limp and my head falls. After just one day of ignoring my responsibilities, I am fired and failing school. It's so over.
Edited by Leah Mesquita, Natalia Jarrett and Abigail Wilt. This story is part of The Best of ASU, which was released on April 29, 2026. See the entire publication here.
Reach the reporter at kwalls6@asu.edu
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Keyanee Walls is a magazine reporter at The State Press. She is a second year student at ASU’s Walter Cronkite School.
