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Spratling: Candidates not so similar

Five days before the election -- it's coming down to the wire. If you're still undecided at this point, just try this: narrow your focus. Pick the single most important distinction between the two men and seize it.

Spratling: Who brought the weird guy?

Nothing brings out the crazies like a visit from the president.

Spratling: Opposing Iraqi occupation a matter of motives

Last week, the Iraq Survey Group released what is being called the Duelfer Report: a 1,000-page final word on the matter of Saddam Hussein's programs for weapons of mass destruction (Duelfer is the name of the top U.S. arms inspector). The report concluded that at the time of last year's invasion, Hussein had no stockpiles of WMD.

Spratling: Reeve: fallen but still flying

"No, sir. Don't thank me -- we're all part of the same team!"

Spratling: Bashing candidate intelligence stupid

As we all know, the president is stupid. Dumb. An idiot. Probably can't even tie his shoes. When they were handing out brains, he thought they said trains, etc.

Spratling's best of the worst

This will be the last Eric Spratling column before school ends (don't worry ladies, I'm applying again for the fall), so I figure that rather than fill today's space with productive and insightful commentary, I'd just cover some lingering odds and ends. Well, mostly "odds," actually, and a little bit of bathroom humor.

Iraq carnage roundup

Right now, as I type this and as you read this, American soldiers are being shot at and dying. The men who fire bullets and rocks and grenades at them are men who see the void in power left by Saddam Hussein's absence as an opportunity to set up a new state in which the fundamentalist Islamic Sharia law (long story, but let's just say that Sharia is no fun, especially for women) can be established permanently and thug-o-cratic dictatorship can rule the day once again in Iraq.

Ninja Fliers

AWESOME PARTY COMING THIS WEEKEND: NO COVER! LIVE BAND! FREE BEER!

Pamphleteers are nice,but beware robot takeover

Did you know that women 4,000 miles from here are being oppressed? Do you want to stop the local college bar from closing down? Petition to help legalize marijuana? Sign up for Students For Bush? Copy of the "Watchtower"? Foam party on Saturday? Join the Ron Perlman fan club?

E.U. sticks its head in the sand

Last week, the European Union's Monitoring Center on Racism and Xenophobia released the results of a study, the headline findings of which will cause anyone with even the slightest understanding of world events to wonder why the E.U. even bothers having a "Monitoring Center on Racism and Xenophobia."

Stop saying 'but' about murdering a terrorist

To my great disgust, I have never heard the word "but" used more times than in the past week and a half since the targeted killing of Sheik Ahmed Yassin, leader and founder of the renowned anti-Jewish terrorist organization, Hamas.

Cute, friendly hippies are not to be trusted

If you're a good, God-fearing, patriotic American, you probably often wonder just what the heck those liberals are up to, and would use any and all forms of subterfuge to find out. No, honestly, politics isn't about making enemies, and that's exactly the deceptive attitude I used to trick my way into a meeting of my most hated enemies here on campus: ASU's Young Democrats.

Ground Zero fair game in presidential campaign

In the world of politics, there are issues, there are non-issues, and then there are extremely annoying non-issues. And one such recent "issue" that scores highly on the "are you kidding me?!"-ometer is the recent eye-rolling absurdity caused by President Bush's opening volley of campaign ads.

Gay marriage issue needs rational debate

It may come as a surprise to many that here at The State Press opinion section, we actually do have rules to follow -- well, more like guidelines, really. One of them is not to talk about big hot-button issues like abortion, gun control and the like because the issues are so long-standing and controversial. Good luck changing anyone's opinion about them in 600 or so words.

Bush makes whiny Dems eat their vegetables

Last Friday, President Bush exercised his ability to make recess appointments to the federal bench and finally installed Judge William Pryor to the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals, echoing his similar appointment of Judge Charles Pickering earlier this year. And since virtually all who have worked with those two have lauded them with the highest praise, many would say that it's about time they got their due, but not if you hear some people tell it.

'Passion' should speak for itself

In just under a week, Mel Gibson's third film behind the camera, "The Passion of the Christ," will be released, and it will finally be able to speak for itself. It's about time, because for the past year just about everyone and their mother has been perfectly willing to speak for it.

Kerry has his cake, eats it too

There's an old saying that "you can't have your cake and eat it, too." Well, if there were a way to bend the space-time continuum so that one could simultaneously eat AND have a cake, Democratic frontrunner John (F!) Kerry would do that. Word is that he's got scientists working on it even as we speak.

Dilemma of the 'lesser socialite'

Not long ago I ended up at a political conference in Santa Barbara, Calif. that had me sharing a hotel room with a couple college kids from out of state. When they discovered where I went to school, ASU's party rep awed them into stunned silence. Some even kept their distance from me afterward, as if attempting to keep too much of my party from rubbing off on them.

The politics of body slamming

You know how the saying goes: "I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend, to the death, your right to - HOLY CRAP LOOK OUT HERE COMES AL FRANKEN!"